Unturned Pages
by purplepagoda
Summary: When he starts asking questions, he gets more than he bargained for. What will he do, when he finds out what his partner left in the desert? The truth about why she left. The truth about the child she had been carrying, his child. Tiva.
1. The Answers You Don't Want To Know

It was something that she never really talked about. He always assumed that it was because she didn't want to relive the past, but that wasn't entirely true. She didn't want to all the mistakes that she had made. She didn't want to tell him, all of the secrets that she had to keep. The truth, it was far harder than the story he had made up in his head. She knew that. She was certain of that. What happened to her, she couldn't even bear to think about it, but not for the reasons he thought.

He's in the car next to her. He sits in the passenger's seat. He had let her drive. They would be in the car for another hour, at least, even with her at the wheel. The drive to Roanoke would take a normal human about four and a half hours. He knew it would probably take her somewhere around three. It was late in the day, and they had three interviews to do. Gibbs had given them orders that they were to check into a hotel, and finish their investigation, of the dead petty officer's home, in the morning.

He turns off the radio. She's so focused on the road, and the thoughts buzzing through her head, that she doesn't even notice. She grips the steering wheel tightly. It's clear to him, that there is something on her mind. He leans the back of his seat back, and looks at her. Her face is stiff, and unmoving. He watches her instead of the road. Her eyes don't move from the road.

"What?"

"What, what?"

"You are staring at me, is there a reason?"

"I was just wondering what you're thinking about."

"Nothing," she lies.

"You never think about nothing."

"I am thinking about something."

"That you don't want to share?"

"That is correct."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she sighs.

"Are you going to have kids?"

The question hits her like a punch to the jugular. She glances over at him, for a moment. She swallows hard, and finally she responds.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I was just curious. I can be curious, can't I?"

"I suppose."

"I mean you're my partner."

"I'll let you know when I decide."

"Fair enough. Ziva?"

"What?"

"Have you ever..."

"Does it matter?" she interrupts his thought.

"What would you do if you found out that you were pregnant, today?"

"Are we playing twenty questions?"

"Will you answer me, if we are?"

"You just wasted a question, you're down to twelve now."

"Answer the last one."

"You want to know what I would do?"

"Yes," he nods.

"I would not do anything."

"You would have it."

"Was that a question?"

"No, a statement. Why? That was a question."

"Why? I don't know why. Why do you insist on stopping at 7/11 every time we start out on a trip longer than an hour?"

"You know that if you did get pregnant, that would mean you'd have to do desk duty, most likely. You hate desk duty."

"I would not tell Gibbs as soon as I found out."

"You think that you could hide it from him?"

"You think that I couldn't?"

"I don't know."

"Tony why are you asking me all of this? Are you thinking about having a child?"

"No. That isn't why I'm asking."

"Then why are you asking?"

"I am just trying to figure something out."

"Why don't you just ask the question that you want answered? That would save time."

"Answer the one that you interrupted," he insists.

"Yes."

"You have thought that?"

"Yes."

"Would your decision have been any different then, if you had been?"

"A lot of things would have been different, if I had known then, what I know now."

"Meaning?"

She doesn't make eye contact. The car jerks onto an exit ramp. She stops in a parking spot, at a rest stop. She puts the car into park, and turns it off. She takes off her seatbelt, and looks at him.

"You want to have this conversation, now? Why?"

"There are something's that your partner should know," he answers.

"Ok."

"Did you mean that if you were, things would have been different? Or did you mean that you made different choices, and you wish you hadn't?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Is it why you stayed in Israel?"

She looks at him in shock. She says nothing.

"You chose to stay, because you were, and you needed to sort things out? You sorted them out, and decided that your job was more important? It never made sense to me, why you stayed. You hated me, I get that, but... you've worked with people that you hated before. I guess that I want you to say yes, because, then it wouldn't be my fault. What happened wouldn't be my fault, and... I wouldn't blame myself for what happened. I wouldn't hate myself for not coming sooner. I wouldn't..."

She waves her hand, stopping him. "You have it all wrong."

"All of it?"

"I was angry at you, for a lot of reasons."

"You had the right to be, but... you were far angrier than I anticipated. Because I killed Michael, and... you were..."

"No," she shakes her head.

"No?" he furrows his brow.

"I was angry that you killed Michael. I was angry that I was never going to know how it could have turned out."

"So that is why you stayed?"

"No."

"You were having his..."

"No. I wasn't."

"So you weren't pregnant?"

Her brown eyes look up at him. She answers with a look of shame, "I didn't say that."


	2. Snapshots Of The Past

He looks at her in bewilderment, unsure of what to think. He finds himself at a loss for words. She leans her head against the window. She sits cross legged in the driver's seat. She stares at him. She exhales, and finally begins to explain.

"The reason that I was so angry at you, was because you killed someone."

"You were angry because I killed someone?"

"Because I knew that you didn't do it to protect yourself. I know that you would have died, there. You would have let me come home to that. So I could make that call. You didn't want me to. You were angry. You didn't do it because you had to, you did it because you wanted to. You were jealous. You hated him. You hated that I was with him. I read the report, but nowhere in the report did it say how you felt."

"What does that have to do with the other thing?"

"Why do you always ask so many questions."

"I require a lot of answers. You didn't know?" he guesses.

"I knew."

"Then why did you stay? Why did you go on that mission? You knew that you were probably going to die. Why would you be willing to do that?"

"It was reckless, and stupid. Given the chance to do it all over again, I would. I would go back and take back all of the mistakes that I made that summer. I would do it all over again."

"Why?"

"So you wouldn't have to ask me these questions. You would know the answers."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"You never asked."

"I thought that I was crazy."

"You are crazy."

"I thought I was wrong," he clarifies.

"No, you weren't wrong."

"Wait, so if it wasn't Michael's... who else was there?"

"Jealousy is a very unattractive quality. I couldn't trust you."

"With what?"

"The truth."

"The truth? What truth?"

"You can't handle the truth."

"Don't quote movie lines, to me."

"You don't want to know. Some questions should remain unanswered."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think you really want to know."

"Ziva..."

She shakes her head. He looks into her eyes. She stares back at him, in fear. Fear? Why would she look at him in fear? She had no reason to be afraid of him. He would never hurt her. He looks again. Fear, and pain. Why? Why did he see fear, and pain in her eyes. What was she afraid of? What hurt that much? She should be able to tell him anything, so why couldn't she? What was holding her back?

"You."

He furrows his brow, waiting for her to finish the thought. She doesn't say anything else.

"I what?"

"That is the answer, to one of your questions."

"Which one?"

She shoots him a look.

"Me? What are you telling me? I am too tired to read between the lines today, Ziva."

"I was angry, because you shot Michael. I was angry because I thought you were different. You proved me wrong. You weren't different. You were just a jealous man, and... I have had enough of those in my life. You are the reason that I stayed in Israel. It wasn't that I didn't want to work with you. I just... I did not want to face you. I was afraid, of having this conversation. I was afraid that you would fly off the handle, so I thought it would be best, if you never knew."

A light-bulb goes off in his head. She looks at her partner. His green eyes look back, in disappointment. She sees the wheels in his head turning. She waits for him to collect his thoughts. Finally he finds enough words to come up with something, to say.

"You're telling me that you were pregnant?"

"Yes."

"With..."

"January 31st, 2009. We went for a drink after work."

"I remember. We didn't have that much to drink."

"You had three drinks, I had two," she recalls.

"Neither of us were drunk. We weren't inebriated enough to think that it was a good idea."

"No, we thought that it was a terrible idea, but... we did it anyway. And then we didn't discuss it, because... we both knew better."

"You left at the end of May. It was..."

"Four months later."

"You knew for a while, and you didn't tell me?"

"I don't know that I ever planned on telling you."

"Because there was never going to be a baby. Did you make that decision before, or after you went to Israel."

"I never made that decision," she admits.

"What do you mean? There is no baby. You made a decision and..."

"Not the one that you think I made. Four months, is a long time to wait. Too long. I made a decision before that."

"So you weren't pregnant when you went to Israel?"

"I was."

"Then you decided that you didn't want to be?"

"I didn't have an abortion."

"There is no baby."

"No, there isn't."

"I don't understand."

"I never intended to get captured."

"You're telling me that you knew you were pregnant? You planned on keeping the baby? You were never planning on telling me? And, you decided to go on that mission? You thought that it would be ok? You didn't think about putting the baby in harms way?"

"I was selfish. I was only thinking about me. I made a mistake. This is why I never told you. I knew what conclusions you would jump to. I knew how angry you would be. I made the wrong choice. I know that. I wish I could go back, and fix it, but I can't," she tells him in anger.

He stares at her red face. He notices that her eyes are full of tears. He swallows hard, and he finds himself afraid to ask her the next question.


	3. Missing Pages In The Story

"What happened?"

"I made the wrong choice. I thought that I was invincible. I didn't think I would get hurt. I never considered the fact that..."

"That?"

"I never considered the risk that I was taking. I did not think about coming back from the mission, alone."

"So what happened?"

"I got over myself. I realized that I never should have left D.C. I never should have..."

"Did your father know?"

"No."

"Would it have mattered?"

"I don't think so."

"So what happened?"

She swallows hard, and takes a trip, back to the dessert. She recalls one day, to him.

_July 18th, 2009-_

_She lays on the floor, in the dirt. She hears the door open, and looks up. She watches as her tormenter opens the room. He moves towards her. She tries to push herself off the ground, into a sitting position. Her muscles are too weak. She just lays on her side, completely helpless._

_"Get up!" he demands._

_She says nothing, does nothing. She just stares at him. It wasn't her life that she feared for. She wasn't afraid to die, but... his voice interrupts her thoughts._

_"Get up, or I will give you a reason to stay down there."_

_She tries to get up, but she can't. She watches in horror, as his boot comes towards her._

_"Don't!" She shots._

_The sound of her voice gets his attention. She still had a little bit of fight left in here. He would fix that. He draws his foot back, to kick her. Her hands fly in front of her stomach. She stares up at him. "Don't!"_

_"Don't? Why not. Give me a good reason not to."_

_"I..."_

_"You what? You want to go home? You're tired of being here? That is too bad."_

_"I am not asking because of that."_

_"Why are you asking?"_

_"It's not me that I'm concerned about."_

_"There is no one else here," he points out._

_"No..." he moves towards her swiftly, pulling her off the ground onto her feet. He points to the wall behind her. She stumbles backwards, until she is leaning against the wall. He points to her shirt._

_"Let me see."_

_"See what? There is nothing to see."_

_"Now!"_

_She lifts up her shirt. He scrutinizes her stomach. She was right there was nothing to see. There was no fat left there. She had used up her fat stores rather quickly. Quicker than he had expected. But why? _

_She swallows, and tries to stop what is about to happen. She feels her breath hitch, as she is kicked in the rib, from the inside. He watches her closely. Her glance falls to her stomach. He looks too. _

_"That looks like a foot," he comments._

_She looks away, and answers, "It is."_

_"You're pregnant?"_

_"I won't be after today, will I?" she responds._

_His lips twitch into a devilish grin. "I think that you will."_

_She looks at him questioningly._

_"Food is scarce. It will probably die inside of you."_

_"And if it doesn't?"_

_"It won't make it to term, not in this environment. Your body can barely sustain your own life."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_"If it comes, too early, I will let it. I will let you watch it gasp for air, and die. And if it is born healthy, if by some incredible miracle it makes it to term I will rip it away from you. You will spend your last days on earth, knowing that you caused an innocent child that pain. That will be more than you can handle."_

Tony's eyes don't move from her face. He takes a few seconds to digest the information she has revealed to him, and then he poses a question. She looks at him, knowing he won't be satisfied, until he has all of the answers.

"Were his predictions right?"

"Which one?" she responds.

"Any of them?"

"Yes?"

"You lost..." he guesses.

"No," she shakes her head, holding back tears.

"No?" he questions in horror.

She shakes her head, and blinks away tears.

_September 1st, 2009_

_This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, but all she felt was pain and misery. This was not the way that a life was supposed to begin, no matter how short lived. He sits in a chair, in the corner of the room. He watches her, with a smile. Each time she grits her teeth in pain, he laughs. She is drenched in sweat, and blood, and dirt. The moment comes, and she watches as a silent baby is ripped from her body. She watches silently. The baby remains motionless. Ten weeks too early. There wasn't a hospital for hundreds of miles. Even if by some miracle, the baby ever took a breath, it would never make it. It's first breath, would surely be it's last. She stares at the angelic, lifeless face, of a baby, with dark hair, and no future._

"Why did you stop there?"

"That is all I remember. I passed out, after that. I do not even know how I survived."

"You gave birth in..."

"No."

"No?"

"He wanted me to live through childbirth, so he could continue to torture me. He took me to a nearby village. There was a group of terrorists there, who had kidnapped an American midwife, so that their victims could continue to live, and be raped, and give birth to their heirs. Women are far and few between, so they tried to keep the ones they had alive, so they could continue to torture them."


	4. Like Sands Through The Hourglass

_September 8th, 2009_

_She opens her eyes, and finds herself back on a dirt floor. She looks around the room, and finds Saleem, waiting for her. He smiles upon seeing her wake. He approaches her, kneeling by her side. He touches her face. She flinches. _

_"Now, now. Don't be so rude. I won't give you any details, I'll just let you wonder, for the rest of your life, however long it may be."_

_"Where is my baby?"_

_"Where do you think?"_

_"I..."_

_"In the ground, somewhere. I didn't see any sense in burying it, but the midwife insisted. She said she would consider it part of her payment. It's a shame too, you know."_

_"Why is that?"_

_"It was a boy. I would have enjoyed taking him from you. If you didn't die out here, one day, I could have sent him, to hunt you down. He would hunt you down and..."_

_"Stop, just stop."_

_"Why? So you can grieve? We don't have time for that. We had a deal."_

_"Had."_

_"You want out, now?"_

_"Just kill me. I am done. I am not going to tell you anything else."_

_"That is just too bad. I am not going to let you out of this. Not that easily."_

Tony stares at her in complete disbelief. He shakes his head. He wipes the tears from her face. He draws her into a hug. For once she doesn't pull away. She doesn't even go limp. She hugs him back. After a few moments he lets her go.

"You didn't wake up for a week?"

"No," she shakes her head, wiping away the tears.

"I..."

"I barely remember. It's so fuzzy. I..."

"I know," he answers.

She leans back in her seat.

Three days later he finds himself in the airport. His phone rings. He puts it to his ear.

"Hello?" he answers.

"Where are you?"

"I can't tell you," he responds.

"You are supposed to be here," she reminds him.

"I am taking some vacation time," he tells her.

"Vacation time? For what?"

"I have some things that I need to take care of."

"When will you be back?"

"In two weeks."

"Two weeks? What is going on? You never take time off. Did someone die?"

"No, Ziva, no one died."

"Then why are you taking two weeks off?"

"Because I need some time off."

"I understand that."

"Then why are you so frustrated?"

"Because I don't understand why you didn't tell me."

"I didn't want you to know."

"Why didn't you want me to know?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Are you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Why are you keeping secrets from me?"

"Why do you care?"

"You know my secrets."

"And you will know mine, when the time is right," he counters.

"When will that be, exactly?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"Tony..."

He hears his flight being called, "I've got to go," he tells her.

"But.."

He hands up the phone, instead of arguing with her. He grabs his bag, and boards the airplane.

Nearly a day later he finds himself at his destination. He walks into the disheveled building, and is greeted by a friendly face, the first he had seen, since leaving American soil. The tall, skinny, tween stares up at him. Her dark eyes look at him questioningly. Finally she speaks.

"Can I help you?" she asks him in English, to his surprise.

"I am looking for a woman named, Elise."

She smiles, "She's in there," she replies, pointing to the open door, behind her.

"Thank you," he smiles back. He walks past her, into the room. He finds a tall, red head, standing in the corner of the room. He walks past all of the cots, on his way to her. When he reaches her, he stops. He takes a moment, to formulate his thoughts, before speaking.

He clears his throat, and she turns around. She looks at him.

"Can I help you?" she furrows her brow.

"Are you Elise?"

"Yes."

"I have some questions for you."

"Questions? What agency are you with?"

"Agency? What are you talking about?"

"I am assuming you are here to question me about my involvement with terrorists. As you can see, there are no terrorists here. I am no longer working for them. This is an orphanage, in a war torn country. I am just trying to help, although in my defense, I was just trying to help before, too."

"I'm with NCIS."

"Do you have a name?"

"I'm special agent Anthony DiNozzo. You can call me Tony."

"Ok, Tony, what kind of questions do you have for me?"

"I am not here on business," he clarifies.

"You're not? Then why are you here?"

"I'm here for personal reasons."

"Personal reasons? What personal reasons?"

"A colleague of mine."

"A favor?"

"Sort of. I think that you have met her."

"Her? Your co-worker is a woman? Do you know how many women I have met?"

"I think that you would remember her."


	5. Recollection, and Cruel Smiles

"Oh? And why is that?"

"She's pretty memorable."

"Describe her."

"Dark hair, dark eyes. Feisty."

"That isn't enough for me to go on. That describes most of the women that I meet."

"Some sick, malignant, son-of-a-bitch, brought her to you."

"I am going to need more to go on."

"This was about two years ago."

"That still isn't enough."

"In Somalia."

"That doesn't help."

"It was late August, or early September."

"You're going to have to keep going."

"You delivered her baby."

"I am a midwife," she replies.

"I don't know what else to tell you."

"Does she have a name?"

"Of course."

"Tell me what it is."

"You're going to remember?"

"You won't know, if you don't tell me."

"Ziva."

"Ziva? I recognize the name, tell me more."

"A dirt bag named Saleem brought her to you. Her baby was premature. She fell unconscious after the birth."

"Yes, I remember."

"You do?"

"Yes," she nods.

He folds his arms across his chest.

"That is what brings you here?" she questions.

"Yes," he nods.

"How do you know all of this?"

"She told me."

"She told you? When?"

"A few days ago."

"Days ago?" she looks at him in complete disbelief.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, why?"

"I thought that he had killed her."

"He would have, but we came to take her home."

"Does she know that you're here?"

"No."

"Why didn't she come herself?"

"I don't think it's a wound that she wants to reopen."

"I can't say that I blame her."

"And why is that?"

"I was a very long, and traumatic labor."

"Tell me about it."

"She was in labor for thirty six hours. She was in excruciating pain, and even though I had pain medication, Saleem would not let me give her any. The baby was breech. Her blood pressure was through the roof. I was afraid that she was going to stroke out. After the baby was born she started to hemorrhage. She had a third degree laceration. It was a mess. The whole time, he sat in the corner and watched. He never once wiped the smile off his face. He enjoyed her pain."

"He was one sick bastard."

"Was?"

"He's dead."

"But, she's not?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"So why are you here?"

"I guess I just want some answers."

"Answers? What answers do you want?"

"That what Saleem told her was really true."

"What did he tell her?"

"That the little boy died. That you buried him."

She laughs.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because none of that is true."

"None of it? What do you mean, none of it is true?"

"Not a single bit of that is true."

"What is the truth?"

"It wasn't a boy, it was a girl."

"And you didn't bury her?"

"Bury her? Why would I bury her?"

Tony shakes his head. He tries to figure out what's going on. He looks around the room. There are dozens of children, on the floor of the room, playing, with wooden blocks, or dolls, or cars.

He tries to figure out if her years working for terrorists had hardened her that much. Was she joking? Why had she laughed? What was going on? Why was she smiling? They were recounting a terrible event, and she was beaming. Finally he decides that he has to ask, that he has to know.

"Because you bury the dead."

"Yes, you do," she agrees.

"So why didn't you bury her?"

"She wasn't dead."

"When she was born she wasn't breathing."

"She just needed some help."

"She was months premature, you didn't have the equipment, for her to sustain life."

"I had enough to keep her alive for a few hours."

"And then you buried her?"

"The nice thing about working with such terrible people, is that they have a lot of pull, in the world. They can offer a lot of resources, that aren't available to average people, because the world is afraid of them."


	6. Born Fighting

"I don't understand," he admits.

"It is amazing what you can do with those resources."

"Please fill me in, I don't get what you're telling me."

"I got a helicopter, and took her to the closest hospital, with the equipment necessary to keep her alive."

"Oh."

"We made it to the hospital."

"She didn't make it out of the hospital?" he questions.

"Why are you so interested, anyway?"

"Ziva is my partner."

"It's more than that."

"It was my baby."

She smiles widely at him.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"She was born fighting. She was born strong, despite the circumstances."

"I'm not surprised. Her mother is the same way."

"You should have brought her."

"I didn't think she needed to go through this. I didn't want her to have to hear from you, that her child is dead. She already knows that."

"I wouldn't tell her that."

"It's against your code?"

She shakes her head, "No, because it isn't true."

"It isn't true? What do you mean?"

"It's not true."

"She's not dead?" Tony questions.

"No. She's alive."

"You're sure?"

She nods, "Yes, she's perfectly healthy. She doesn't talk, but... we aren't really sure why that is."

"We? How do you know this."

Her eyes go past him. She focuses on something across the room. Her pointer finger points. He follows her finger, to where she's looking. "Because I'm looking at her," she answers.

He stares at the little girl, sitting on the floor, playing by herself. She holds a puzzle on her lap. The pieces sit on the floor. She carefully, and silently, places the pieces in the puzzle.

"She's smart. She seems to understand everything we say to her, in any language. She likes to play by herself. She does puzzles, and reads books, well she looks at the pictures, at least. She loves to be read to. If you notice there is a doll laying next to her. She carries it everywhere. It sleeps with her. It eats with her, it takes a bath with her. It does everything she does. She signs, sometimes."

"Is there something wrong with her hearing?"

"No, she just doesn't talk. She's only a year and a half old, we think that she will start to talk, soon."

"She doesn't say anything?"

"Nope."

"Can I..."

"Of course, hold on," she wags her finger. She steps past him, she looks at the toddler. She whispers quietly, "Z, come here, please."

The little girl's head pops up. She pushes the puzzle off her lap, and grabs the doll. She stands up, and walks over to them.

Elise smiles, "See, her hearing is great."

Tony turns around, and looks at the little girl. She has thick, dark curls, and long eyelashes. She has green eyes, with flecks of brown in them. Elise squats down, to her level. She looks the little girl in the eye.

"This is Tony."

She looks up at him.

"Tony, this is Zafirah. Would you like to tell her who you are?"

He bends down, and smiles at the little girl. "Hi. I'm Tony. I'm your..." the word pops into his head, finally he exhales, and says it, "dad."

The little girl smiles widely. She opens her mouth. "Take me home?" Her tiny voice poses the question, in perfect English.

Tony, and Elise stare at her in shock. Neither of them say anything.

"Mommy?" is the next questions she asks.

Tony lifts the little girl off the floor. He smiles at her, "Your mommy is at home. There are a few things that I need to take care of, but once I do, I will take you home."

"Ok," she smiles.

"Can I ask you a question now?" he wonders.

"Yes," she nods.

"What is your doll's name?"

"Rose," she replies.

After over nighting DNA samples to Abby, he returns to his hotel room, alone. He fights the urge to call Ziva, and tell her. Eventually he falls asleep. He wakes up to the phone ringing.

"Hello," he answers groggily.

"Why did you send me samples? I thought you were on vacation."

"Do you have my results?"

"Of course."

"And?"

"The samples belong to father and daughter."

"You didn't run them against any databases did you?"

"You sent specific instructions."

"And you destroyed the samples, when you were done?"

"Yes."

"Thanks, Abs."

"You owe me one. You better bring me back a really nice souvenir."

"You won't be disappointed, I promise."

"You already have something in mind?"

"Yep. I'm going to go get it, this afternoon."

"When will you be back? A week, and five and a half days?"

"If everything goes according to plan, I should be back later today."

"Can I..."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promises, hanging up the phone.


	7. Coming Home

He gets off the plane, completely exhausted, and jet-lagged. He tries to navigate the airport. When he reaches baggage claim he grabs his bag, and moves towards the car. He feels like a clown, dragging a suitcase along behind him, with a diaper bag over his shoulder, and a sleeping baby in his arms. A carseat leans against the handle of the suitcase that he's dragging.

He reaches the garage, and puts the bags in the backseat. He fastens the carseat, and then puts the sleeping little girl in it. He fastens the belt around her, and carefully puts a blanket around her. He kisses her cheek, and closes the door. He gets into the driver's seat, and pulls out his cellphone. He dials a familiar number. After four rings the party on the other end answers.

"Do you know what time it is?" is how she answers.

"I don't know," he admits.

"It's three o'clock in the morning. Why are you calling me? Are you drunk?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Why else would you be calling me? Do you have a death wish?"

"I'll be at your apartment in fifteen minutes."

"What?"

"See you then," he hangs up, and turns his phone on silent.

Sixteen minutes later he finds himself banging on her door. She pulls the door open, in her pajamas. She crosses her arms across her chest, and looks at him, in irritation.

"I thought you were on vacation."

"I was."

"Why are you here? You better have a good reason."

"I had to bring you your souvenir, from my trip."

"It couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"It is tomorrow."

"I meant after sunrise."

"No, it couldn't."

"What did you bring me?"

He smiles. He steps back, and looks at something leaning against the wall, outside her door. "Come on," he tells her, reaching down for her. She reaches out for him. He lifts her off the ground. He moves back towards the door. Ziva stares at him, in confusion.

"What is going on? Why do you have a baby? Did you kidnap a child? Tony that is not the kind of souvenir..."

He waves his hand, for her to stop. She does. He kisses the sheepish, baby's warm cheek. "Do you know who this is?" he asks.

The little girl looks at him, with a pacifier in her mouth. Her eyes light up.

"Can I have your pacifier?" he questions.

She hands it to him. She smiles, "Hi," she waves at Ziva.

"Where did you get her? Why..."

He cuts her off, "Who is that?" he questions the little girl.

"Mommy," she says quietly.

Ziva just looks at the little girl, then to Tony.

"I don't understand. Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"No," he shakes his head.

The little girl reaches for her.

_After his phone call from Abby he jumps into the shower. He grabs his things, and heads out. It takes him nearly an hour to arrive at his destination. He steps into the orphanage. The girl from the other day looks up at him, from a desk. He walks past her, into the next room. He finds Elise waking some of the children up. She hears him come into the room._

_"Good morning," she greets him._

_"Where is she?" he questions. _

_She points to a crib, towards the center of the wall, behind them. _

_"Over there."_

_"How long will it be, for me to get to take her home?" he questions._

_"I assume you got your test results back?"_

_"Yes, my friend faxed them to the hotel this morning."_

_"All you need to do is sign some paperwork, and then you can take her home."_

_"Won't I need to get her a passport?"_

_"She already has a passport."_

_"Why is she here, with you?"_

_"I wasn't going to leave her in Somalia. She wouldn't have been safe there."_

_"This isn't exactly, safe, either."_

_"No, but it was the best I could do."_

_"So..."_

_"Why don't you go wake her up? I'll get a bag ready, for her."_

_"Ok," he agrees._

_He turns around, and walks towards the crib that Elise had pointed out. When he reaches it he finds a sleeping little girl, inside. She lays on her side, with a pacifier in her mouth. He smiles, and snaps a picture of her, with his phone._

_"Zafirah, sweetie, wake up," he says softly._

_Her eyes instantly pop open. She looks up at him. She sits up, and takes the pacifier out of her mouth. She smiles at him._

_"Hi," she greets him._

_"Good morning."_

_"Home?"_

_"Yes, beautiful girl, I am going to take you home."_

_She looks over at the doll laying beside her. She looks up at him questioningly._

_"Rose can go too," he promises. _

_She tucks the doll under her arm, and stands up in the crib. She reaches for him. He lifts her out of the crib. Elise joins them. She quickly changes the girl out of her onesie, into a clean outfit. _

_Hours later he finds himself on a plane, with a toddler on his lap. It was funny, that how only days earlier he hadn't even known about her. Everything had changed. He had never believed in love at first sight. Then he laid eyes on her, just the day before, and he did. She was beautiful, she reminded him of her mother. _

_"Daddy?"_

_"Yes?" he looks down at her._

_"Want mommy," she announces._

_"We're going to see her soon."_

_"Ok," she leans back. The back of her head rests against his chest. Her wild curls go in different directions, as she tries to get comfortable. _

_"Do you want your blanket, so you can take a nap?"_

_"No."_

_Within five minutes she's snoring. He pulls the bag out from under the seat, and carefully tucks the blanket around her._

* * *

><p><em>AN: I promise there will be more Ziva/ Zafirah moments, in the next chap. _


	8. Waking Up From A Dream

"I don't understand," she admits.

"Saleem lied to you," he responds.

She looks into his eyes, realizing he's telling the truth. Her gaze falls, onto the toddler, in his arms. A little girl, with olive-y skin, and wildly, curly hair. The little girl's hazel eyes look at her, expectantly. Her hands reach out to her.

Ziva takes a deep breath, and reaches for the baby. She holds the little girl close, trying not to cry. She pets her head, and kisses her cheek.

"Sleepy," she says.

Tony hands the pacifier to Ziva, who hands it to the baby. The little girl puts it in her mouth, and closes her eyes.

"I'm going to go," Tony tells her.

"Go? Go where?" Ziva asks.

"Home. I am going to go home, and get a shower, and go to bed. I will be back first thing in the morning."

"But I..."

"Do you want me to stay? I just figured you would want to spend some time with her, alone."

"You're going to leave her here? Alone, with me?"

"You are her mother."

"I..."

"Good night," he responds, heading for the door.

She locks the door behind him, and turns out the light. She slowly makes her way into her bedroom, with the little girl in her arms. She puts the little girl into the bed, and climbs in next to her. She stares at the sleepy girl, in the dark.

"Night," Zafirah yawns.

"Good night," Ziva smiles. She continues to look at the little girl, in shock. "I love you," she whispers, before closing her eyes. Tony's words replay in her head, as she drifts to sleep. "You are her mother."

When she wakes up the light is pouring in through her bedroom window. Her chest feels heavy, she feels as if she can't breathe. She looks down, and finds a body laying on her. She stares at a head full of curls. It hadn't been a dream, she was really there.

"Are you awake?" she whispers.

"No," the little girl answers.

Ziva smiles, "No?"

"Sleepy," she answers.

Ziva sits up. She lifts the little girl off her, and places her on the bed. She gets out of bed. She looks at the little girl.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"You stay!" the little one insists.

"I'll just be in the other room," Ziva reassures her.

The little girl furrows her brow. She sits up in bed, and crosses her arms. "No!"

"No?"

The little girl stands up. She holds her hands out, and reaches for Ziva. "I go with you."

"You want to go with me?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Ok," Ziva lifts her off the bed, onto her hip.

"Rose?"

"Rose?"

"Where is Rose?"

"I don't know."

"Rose," the little girl repeats.

Ziva walks out of the bedroom, into the living room. She opens the bag sitting on her couch. She holds it out, for Zafirah to look in.

"No, Rose."

"Who is Rose?"

"Baby," Zafirah answers.

"Baby?"

"My baby," Zafirah reveals.

"Rose is a doll?"

"Where is Rose?"

Ziva studies her face. It is clear that she is about to cry. Ziva grabs her phone off the kitchen counter, to call Tony.

"Daddy?"

"You think he has Rose?" Ziva wonders.

"No," she shrieks, "Where is daddy?"

"He went home."

"Home?" Zafirah begins breathing heavily. Her face turns red, and tears begin to fall.

"Don't cry," Ziva begs.

"Lost."

"Who is lost?"

"Rose."

"We will find her," Ziva promises.

"I want Daddy!" she sniffles.

Ziva sits her on the counter. She looks down at the little girl, with a tear stained face. She kisses her cheek, and wipes away the tears, "Please don't cry."

"Find daddy."

Ziva dials the phone, she hands it to the baby. It rings, and rings, but Tony doesn't answer. Zafirah holds the phone up for Ziva. "No, daddy," she says sadly. Ziva hangs up the phone. There is a knock on the door. She grabs Zafirah off the counter, and pulls the door open. She finds Tony on the other side. She moves aside so he can come in. He brings in shopping bags. He sits them on the counter. He quickly notices the look to Ziva's face.

"What's going on?"

"Daddy..." Zafirah reaches for him.

He takes her from Ziva. "What's wrong?"

"Rose, gone."

He pulls the doll out from under his arm, and hands it to her. She takes it from him. She squeezes it. She turns around and looks at Ziva.

"Mommy."

Tony returns her to Ziva. She presses her head up against Ziva's shoulder.

"I think you're still sleepy. Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"No," she argues.

"We'll be right here," Ziva promises.

"No."

"You can lay right over there, on the couch," Ziva points.

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?" she answers.

"Have to pee."


	9. Going Crazy

Half an hour later Zafirah is sleeping on the couch. Tony and Ziva stand in her kitchen. She sits on the counter sipping tea. He leans against the counter, just looking at her. She sits down her cup.

"I am supposed to be at work," she begins.

"I spoke to Gibbs."

"What did you tell him?"

"That's not important."

"I don't understand what happened."

"Neither do I, really."

"Why are you so calm? You should be freaking out. I am freaking out. I don't know..."

"I am freaking out."

"You haven't said a word. Which is completely out of character, for you."

"I don't want to freak her out. I'm just trying to make sure that she is taken care of. That is all I can do right now. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to do this. You know I am not good with change," he admits.

"No, you're not. Neither am I. I can't even begin to wrap my head around this. Last night you show up on my doorstep, with a baby. My daughter. I don't know how to react to that. How am I supposed to feel about that? Happy? Scared? Afraid? I do not know the first thing about taking care of a child. She's a baby. I don't know how to take care of a baby. Neither do you. I mean... what are we supposed to do?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. How do we figure this out? What are we supposed to tell her? What if she asks questions that we can't answer? What if we're both terrible at this. How is this supposed to work? We have a job to do. We have criminals to catch. We put ourselves in danger every single day, and I don't know how to do anything else. Are we supposed to give that up, for her? What are we supposed to do?"

"Why are you asking me? I don't know," she reveals.

"You are the calm, level headed one."

"I am not calm, or level headed," she argues.

"I have seen you diffuse bombs, without breaking a sweat."

"That is different. It's just our lives we're dealing with, not anyone else's. This changes everything. What are we supposed to tell Gibbs? I mean..."

"I have no idea."

"What _do_ you know?"

"That we have a baby, a daughter. We have to figure out some way, to take care of her. I don't know how, I just know that we do."

"How did you find her? How did you... why did you..."

"I hate unanswered questions, as much as you hate lies. My gut told me something wasn't right, and I knew I wouldn't rest until I had all of the facts, whatever those were."

"You can't ignore your gut. You always get indigestion, when you do," she adds.

"I know. That's why I took the time off. I knew I had to find out exactly what happened."

"But how?"

"I tracked down the midwife."

"Tracked her down?"

"I found her working in an orphanage in Yemen."

"And..."

"I asked her about what happened. And she smiled. I couldn't figure out why she was smiling. I thought that maybe she had spent so many years with terrorists that she was smiling because of the terrible thing that happened. I should have understood, but I just, I couldn't wrap my head around what she was trying to tell me. I was too much in shock to be able to think straight."

"But?"

"She said, 'You don't know?'. I had no clue what she was talking about. She told me that none of what Saleem told you was true. I didn't understand. She told me that it was a girl, that she didn't bury her, that she didn't die. I thought that she meant she didn't die right away, but... no. Zafirah was sitting on the floor. She pointed to her, and told me that was her."

"How? I saw her. She wasn't breathing she..."

"Elise resuscitated her. She got her to a hospital. Ziva, she's like you, she wasn't willing to give up without a fight."

"Why did she take her with her to Yemen?"

"She thought you were dead. She thought Zafirah would be safe as long as she was with her."

"I don't know what to say."

"You can tell me what the name Zafirah means."

"It is Arabic. It means..." she trails off.

"You don't know?"

"Actually, no."

"Why not?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

He grabs a book, off her table. He hands it to her.

"Where did you get this?"

"The store," he reveals.

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Look it up."

"Why can't you?"

"Please," he begs.

She flips through the book. She reads the text aloud, "Triumphant."

"Oh..."

"Tony? This is where you pinch me, and tell me that this is all a dream."

"Ok." he pinches her.

"Ow."

"This isn't a dream. It's real."

"So, now what?"

He looks past her, into the other room. His eyes fall on the body sleeping on the couch.

"We can talk about how amazing she is," he suggests.

"She talks so much."

"They thought something was wrong with her."

"Because she talks so much?"

"No."

"Because she speaks such clear English?"

"Because she didn't talk at all. Not one word."

"What?"

"Elise introduced me, and she started talking, right away."

"What are you saying?"

"Until the other day she never said a word." He answers. She allows a moment for what he's telling her to sink in. As she processes it, her heart sinks. Her mind starts spinning circles, but she keeps her eyes locked on him, trying to maintain her composure.


	10. Family

"Why didn't you tell me, what you were doing?"

"I didn't think that it mattered."

"Obviously it does."

"Yeah, it does."

"You just brought her home with you?"

"What else did you expect?"

"For you to leave her."

"Leave her? Why would I do that?"

"You don't know the first thing about kids."

"No, I don't."

"You're not good with them."

"Not usually."

"So what happened?"

"I saw her, and I knew she was mine, before I even got the test results back."

"Test results?"

"I sent a DNA sample to Abby."

"So..."

"She doesn't know. She thinks it's for an undercover case."

"So she's..."

"Definitely mine. I didn't have your DNA ran, but..."

"If she's yours, she's mine."

"Right," he nods.

"You..."

"I saw her, and she reminded me so much of you. She was just sitting on the floor, silently. She looked up at me, and I knew."

"How do we..."

"We should talk about this, all of it."

"What do you mean?"

"What are you feeling?"

"Confused. Uncertain."

"Me too."

"Relieved," she adds.

"Yeah, me too."

"Really?"

He nods, "Yeah."

"You're ok with this? Do you realize what is going on here? We have a child, together. A small child, that we don't know how to take care of."

"That's scary, but... I am relieved she's ok. I am relieved that she's safe. I am relieved that she's home."

"She's beautiful."

"She takes after you."

"I have no clue what I am supposed to do. Earlier, when she lost her doll... I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say, or do. You seemed to know exactly what to do. I don't know..."

"Because I've spent some time with her. Elise filled me in."

"Filled you in?"

"She doesn't like to have Rose out of her sight. She uses her pacifier, only when she's anxious, or really tired. She doesn't care about it, any other time. She calls her blanket Simba, after the lion. She doesn't like to wear shoes, or socks. She likes to read, and be read to. She knows some American sign language. According to Elise she was always signing mommy, and daddy. Let's see, what else? She potty trained herself. At fourteen months old she decided to use the potty."

"That isn't normal."

"She isn't exactly normal."

"So what exactly did you tell Gibbs?"

"That you wouldn't be in today."

"Why?"

"I didn't really elaborate. I figure he'll be by soon, to see what's going on. You know, just to make sure you're still alive, and not deathly ill, or something."

"What do we tell him?"

"The truth," Tony suggests.

"Which is what?"

"We have had sex a few times."

"A few?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Several times, and that you were pregnant when you went back to Israel. We'll explain it all to him."

"And when he asks what we are planning to do, what do we say?"

"What are we planning on doing?"

"We are planning on..."

"We're her parents. We don't have a plan, because we don't know what we're doing."

"What did you get, at the store?"

"Some things for her. Some food, a couple of outfits. I didn't really know what to get, so I just got enough to last for a couple of days, until we can figure that out."

"We? You think that I know?"

"Maybe she knows what she likes."

Ziva smiles, "If she's anything like you, I am sure that she does."

"Mommy?" a tiny voice calls out.

Ziva hops off the counter. She quickly makes her way towards the living room.

"Where are you?" Zafirah asks, sitting up.

Ziva stops next to the couch. She bends down, to Zafirah's level. She brushes curls out of her face. She smiles.

"I'm right here."

Zafirah smiled, "I missed you."

Ziva's heart sinks. She looks into the little girl's big eyes. She wraps her arms around her, smothering her in a hug. She holds her close, and runs her fingers through her hair.

"I missed you more," she admits.

"Daddy?" Zafirah calls out.

"Over here."

Ziva lifts her off the couch, and carries her into the kitchen. She sits her on the counter. Zafirah sits, and stares at them. She smiles.

"Hi," she waves at Tony.

"Good morning princess."

"Morning," she chirps.


	11. Coming Clean

Ziva pushes a shopping cart. Zafirah sits inside, she swings her legs, as they move. Tony follows along next to them. Finally they reach the section that they are looking for. Ziva stops in front of the rack. She looks at it, wearily. Tony shakes his head, taking in the rows, and rows of girly clothing. He approaches the rack, and pulls out an outfit. He holds it up for Zafirah to see.

"This one?"

She shakes her head. Ziva looks over at Tony, and then to Zafirah. She bends down to her level.

"What colors do you like?" Ziva questions.

"Purple, red, blue."

"What about pink?" Tony wonders.

"No," she shakes her head.

Tony grabs another selection, and holds it up for her. She frowns, "No, daddy."

"What's wrong with it? It's purple."

"Pants," she answers.

"You don't want pants?"

"No," she responds.

They move on to the next rack. He grabs another choice. He holds it up for her.

"This one?"

"Ok," she nods.

An hour and a half later they return to Ziva's apartment. Ziva unloads bags, as Tony watches. She looks up from him, from her seat on the floor.

"Are you going to help, or are you just going to watch?"

"You didn't look like you needed any help. Do you really want me to help?"

Ziva looks at the pile to her right, and the pile to her left. Her legs are stretched out in front of her. Zafirah sits between them, trying to help.

"No," she finally answers.

"Why don't I go get us something to eat?"

"Ok," she agrees.

"Mommy!" the little girl shrieks.

Ziva looks down at the tot, "What?"

Zafirah points to an item in the pile to Ziva's left. Ziva picks up the book, and hands it back to Zafirah. Tony bends down, beside the baby.

"I'm going to go to get something to eat. Will you be ok, while I'm gone?"

"Bye," she answers.

"Bye," he kisses the little one's cheek.

He grabs his keys, and heads for the door. He feels around in his pocket.

"Ziva, do you have my phone?"

"No, why would I have your phone?"

"Zafirah, do you have my phone?"

She looks up at him. She points to the coffee table. "No, there."

He walks over to the coffee table, and picks the phone up. He heads for the door.

Fifteen minutes later Ziva has sorted out all of the piles. She and Zafirah are passed out on the couch. Ziva lays on her back, on the couch. Zafirah lays on her chest, with her head turned to one side. Her right hand rests against Ziva's heart. Ziva doesn't hear the knock, at the door. The door opens, and he steps in. He stands by the door, for several moments, before moving towards the living room. He stops next to the couch. He stares at the scene before him. He exhales, and clears his throat.

"Ziva?"

She opens her eyes. She looks at him questioningly, in fear, and bewilderment. After a few seconds she is able to speak.

"What are you doing here?"

"You called in sick. Tony, called you in sick. I hadn't heard from you. I thought that maybe something had happened."

"Why?"

"Because never in the past five and a half years, have you, ever called in sick."

"Right," she nods.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

He points to the toddler asleep, against her chest. She looks at the sleeping girl.

"Oh, right."

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Do I have to?"

"Ziver," he scolds.

She sits up. Zafirah moves with her. Ziva stands up, and walks past Gibbs. She goes into her room, and carefully places Zafirah in her bed. She pulls covers over her, and walks away. She returns to the living room, and finds Gibbs standing where she left him. He points to the couch, motioning for her to sit.

"I should have called you myself."

"Yes, you should have. Why didn't you?"

"I was asleep."

"Asleep? At six o'clock in the morning? When do you ever sleep that late?"

"I don't usually. Tony called me sometime around three, and woke me up."

"Why would he call you at three o'clock in the morning? I thought he was supposed to be on vacation."

"He was, it wasn't much of a vacation."

"Where did he go?"

"Does it matter?"

"Ziva! What is going on? Why is there a little girl in your bedroom?"

"Tony called me last night, and brought her to me, from the airport."

"Why? Where did he get her? Why would he bring her to you?"

She stands up, "I think you should sit down," she answers.

He looks at her for a moment, and then takes a seat on the couch. She bites a fingernail, and then begins.

"Tony and I have been guilty of breaking rules, in the past."

"Why are you bringing it up now?"

"You didn't know?"

"I always assumed, but..."

"You never said anything."

"Because I didn't think it was affecting your work. I thought that it had run it's course, and it wasn't going to be an issue."

"So did I."

"You were wrong?"

"Yes, very."

"How does all of this fit together? I mean, how does one thing relate to the other?"

She stares at her boss. This was harder than she thought. He was like a father to her. She knew that telling him, would disappoint him. She had done that enough. Finally she exhales, and answers, "When I left, after Tony killed Michael, I had more reasons that I told you."

"Like what?"

"I was pregnant."


	12. That Means Something

He doesn't say anything. He waits for her to continue.

"I stayed in Israel, because I didn't think that I could trust the people, that I needed to. I didn't think I could trust Tony. I felt like he had killed Michael, in cold blood, and... that didn't fit with the person I knew. I didn't understand then. I was angry, because I thought of all the people in the world, that I could trust him," she begins.

"Keep going," he insists.

"You don't understand, do you?"

"Understand what, Ziva?"

"When we left for Israel, I already knew that I was pregnant. It wasn't something I found out while I was there. I had known, for a while. I just hadn't decided what exactly, it was that I was supposed to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I was pregnant, with my partner's baby."

All the color drains from Gibbs face. He doesn't say a word, he just stares at her.

She continues, "I thought that Israel was home, I thought that it was where I belonged. I thought that the mission I went on, was going to be easy. I never thought that it would turn out the way that it did."

"You went on that mission, knowing that you were pregnant?"

"Yes."

"That has to be the stupidest thing that you have ever done."

"Probably. I was only thinking about myself."

"Did Eli know?"

"I never told him. I don't think he did."

"Are you sure?"

"Why, would you ask that?"

"Because he's a cold-hearted, controlling, son-of-a-bitch. I don't think it would really matter to him. I mean he left you to die, in that desert."

"I know."

"How long did you know?"

"A while."

"A while?"

"Months," she answers.

"Months?"

"I..."

"What happened, out there?" he finally asks, "You lost the baby?"

"No," she shakes her head, fighting off the urge to cry.

"No?"

"I..." her voice is shaky, as she tries to answer, "I didn't. I went into labor, early. About ten weeks early, I think. I don't know exactly, because my sense of time, wasn't very clear. I had the baby."

"In Somalia?"

"Yes. I don't remember much. I remember having the baby, and not hearing anything. I lost consciousness."

"That is too early to survive, without any medical care," he comments.

"Yes," she answers with a pained look.

"So why did Tony bring you a little girl?"

She takes a deep breath, "Because the woman who delivered her took her to..." she trails off.

He puts the pieces together, "That is your little girl?"

She nods solemnly.

"You knew she was alive?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"DiNozzo, knew?"

"No. I told him the truth, very recently."

"And he went to find her?"

"He went to find the midwife, who delivered her. He wanted to give me peace of mind, I guess, that what Saleem had told me was true."

"And was it?"

"No, none of it was true."

"You, and Tony have a child, together?"

"Yes."

"Does E.J. know?"

"I... no, I don't think so. Why does it matter?"

"You haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"She's jealous of you."

"Jealous of me? Why would she be jealous of me?"

"Because of your relationship with Tony."

"My relationship? He's my partner."

"You slept with him."

"It didn't mean anything."

"The two of you have a child, together. That means something, don't you think?"

"I..."

"How are you planning on handling that?"

"Handling it? What do you mean?"

"Who is going to watch her, while the two of you are at work? Who is she going to live with? Who does she stay with, on the weekends, when you're off? Who are you going to call, when the two of you have to work overtime?"

She splutters, "I... I don't know. We hadn't really discussed it."

"Don't you think that you should? I mean it isn't a puppy that you can put in a cage while you're at work. You have to figure something out."

"I know."

"Ziva this isn't something you can take lightly. You have a child, with your partner. You have figure out what that means. You have to play the cards that you were dealt."

"Figure out what, what means?"

"Things are going to change."

"Change? Why does anything have to change?"

"Because the two of you, knuckleheads thought it would be ok to break the rules. Breaking the rules has consequences. Big consequences."

"That I don't know how to deal with."

"You're going to have to learn."

"How?"

Before he can answer they conversation is interrupted.

"Mommy! Mommy?"

"I'm coming," she answers. She heads out of the living room, and races into the bedroom.


	13. The Truth On The Line

She steps into the bedroom. She finds a pair of dark eyes staring up at her.

"I need Rose."

"Are you going to go back to sleep?" Ziva inquires.

"Rose," she answers.

Ziva nods, "I'll go get her." She quickly leaves the room, and grabs Rose off the coffee table. She returns to the bedroom, and tucks the doll into bed, next to Zafirah. She smiles at the sleepy little girl.

"Go back to sleep."

"K," she smiles. Ziva bends down, and kisses her on the forehead. When she finally reaches the living room she finds that Gibbs is waiting on her.

"I don't know where to even start."

"At the beginning," he suggests.

"How? I don't even know where that is."

"You'll figure it out, you always do."

"This is different."

"Yeah, but you still have to figure it out."

"How? I don't have any idea how to be someone's parent. There are days that I am doing well, just to take care of myself. Now, all of a sudden, I am responsible for someone else. I..."

"You're still in shock."

"Yes. Yesterday I woke up, as an NCIS agent. Today, I woke up, as someone's mother."

"You've always been her mother."

"No. I didn't know. I had no idea that she was out there. How could I have not known? Why didn't I feel that there was something wrong? Why did I just accept what I was told?"

"Sometimes letting go, is easier than holding on. And just because she wasn't here, with you, doesn't mean you weren't her mother. You were just a mother, without a child."

"I always choose the wrong thing. I always pick the wrong times to let go, and hold on."

"You had no reason to believe that she was alive. Without medical treatment, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"I was wrong. I was wrong, and she's spent her whole life, without parents. She has spent nearly her entire life, in an orphanage, and..."

"It's not your fault."

"Someone is to blame. If not me, then who?"

"If you spend your energy trying to figure out who to blame, you'll miss out on what is important."

"And what is that?"

He points to her bedroom, "That little girl."

"I don't know what she's seen, or what she's been through."

"You have the rest of her life, to figure that out."

"I think she knew."

He furrows his brow. "Who? Knew, what?"

"Zafirah, I think that she knew we were out in the world, somewhere. She knew that one day we would come for her."

"Why do you say that?"

"She's nineteen months old, and she hadn't said a single word, until the other day."

"What, are you talking about?"

"She had never said anything, until Elise introduced her to Tony. She has talked non-stop since then. In English. It's like she was just waiting, for us to show up, and bring her home. What if we had never found out? She never would have said anything."

"Ziva..."

"It's crazy, I know."

"Hi," a little voice greets.

Jethro turns around. He finds a sheepish toddler standing in the doorway of Ziva's bedroom. He smiles widely, "Hi. Zafirah, my name is Jethro," he points to Ziva, "Can you tell me who she is, in Arabic?" he tests her.

"Umm," she answers.

Ziva looks at the little girl, wondering if Jethro is on to something. "Can you tell me your favorite color?"

"Purple."

Ziva shakes her head. Zafirah walks over. She stops between Ziva, and gives. She smiles and responds, "Urjuwani."

Across town Tony is attempting to pick up take out, for lunch. He finally gets the food, and returns to his car. He carefully puts the bag of takeout in the passenger's seat, and climbs into the car. His phone rings before he can put the key in the ignition.

"Hello?" he answers.

"Where are you?"

"I'm getting lunch," he answers.

"You're on vacation, and you're biggest concern is getting lunch? Where are you, any way?"

"Why so many questions, E.J.?"

"I was just curious."

"My vacation plans got changed a little bit."

"You haven't left yet?"

"I've already left."

"So you're there now, wherever there is?"

"No."

"No? Your flight got canceled, and you have a layover?"

"No."

"No?"

"I've already been there, and now I'm back."

"You're back? When did you get back?"

"Last night."

"Oh. So does that mean I get to see you today?"

"Probably not."

"Why not?"

"I've got some things I have to do."

"Some things, what things?"

"I'll explain it later."

"What's going on? Are you with someone?"

"Like who?"

"I don't know, Ziva?"

"Not right now," he answers too quickly.

"What do you mean not right now? She isn't here today. Are you with her?"

"I was getting ready to take her lunch."

"Why? What is going on between the two of you?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? So why are you taking her lunch?"

"She's my partner. I am allowed to do that, if I want."

"Why did she take the day off."

"She had something that she needed to take care of."

"She had something to take care of today, and so did you. Are you taking care of something together?"

"Yes."

"Yes? I can't believe you."

"It's not what you think."

"Really? You're not sleeping with her?"

"No. I'm not."

"Have you ever slept with her?"

"Why are you so threatened by my relationship with Ziva?"

"Because I see the way you look at her."

"The way I look at her? What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"


	14. Hanging Up

"Answer my question."

"What question?"

"Have you ever slept with her?"

"I'm not going to answer that."

"Because you have?"

"Because it's none of your business."

"Excuse, me?"

"What did, or did not happen in the past, does not concern you."

"You're telling me that whatever happened in the past doesn't effect anything that is going on, right now?"

"E.J. you need to calm down."

"Calm down? That's not going to happen, until you tell me what is going on, between you and your partner."

"You want to know? You really want the truth?"

"Yes."

"I don't think that you do, but I'll tell you anyway."

"Then tell me."

"Ziva and I have a complicated relationship. She is my partner, we have been through a lot of things together."

"I don't care about what you've been through with her. I just want to know if you've ever slept with her."

"Yes. I have."

"You have? How long ago?"

"Um... about two years ago."

"And you're telling me that nothing came of it?"

"She went back to Israel, not long after."

"Why?"

"Because she could."

"What was her reason?"

"I don't know, maybe you should ask her."

"She won't tell me. She can barely stand to speak to me."

"You're going to have to learn to get along with her."

"Why?"

"Because she's not going anywhere. She isn't just going to go away."

"Why do you care if I talk to her, or not?"

"Because I don't want to be caught in the middle."

"How are you going to be caught in the middle? If you're not with her?"

"E.J. it's not that simple."

"Why not? What makes it so complicated? Why does what I think about her, matter?"

"I don't want to have this conversation over the phone."

"What conversation?" she questions.

"The one where I tell you the whole truth."

"The whole truth. What more could there be?"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do."

"I doubt it," he replies.

"And why is that?"

"Because the truth is a complicated mess, that I have yet to make sense of."

"Just tell me. Why are you going over to her place, right now? Are you trying to piss me off?"

"No. I wasn't thinking about you, when I decided to bring back lunch."

"You weren't thinking of me?"

"E.J. just calm down."

"How can I calm down? You won't tell me what's going on," she raves.

"I'll tell you, but you aren't going to like it."

"Just tell me."

"I have been at Ziva's almost all morning. I just left, to get us some lunch."

She cuts him off, before he can finish, "So you were with her?"

"At her apartment."

"Why?"

"Because we had something that we needed to take care of."

"Ok, and how long is that going to take?"

"For us to take care of it?"

"Yes," she huffs.

"Probably another sixteen, or seventeen years."

"Excuse me? Is that some kind of joke? Because if it is, I don't understand."

"No, it's not a joke."

"So why would it take that long?"

"Because that is how long it will be before she's grown."

"Before who is grown?"

"My daughter."

"Your daughter? You don't have a daughter."

"Apparently I do."

"With Ziva?"

"Yes," he admits.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I just found out."

"She has been keeping her from you, all this time?"

"No. She didn't have her."

"She didn't have her?"

"It's a long story."

"So tell me the short version," she insists.

"She told me that she had been pregnant, with my child."

"When?"

"Last week."

"She was pregnant with your child, last week?"

"No, before she went back to Israel."

"Oh."

"And a lot of things have happened between then and now. I went to Yemen, to find out just exactly what happened. As it turns out, it wasn't what she thought happened."

"I..."

"I found out that our child, our daughter, was, is alive. I brought her home."

"This is unbelievable. You have a child, with your partner? I..."

"I've got to go. We can talk about this later."

"Wait..."

He hangs up the phone, and turns the car on. He pulls out of the parking space, and heads towards Ziva's apartment.


	15. Angry With You

As he pulls to the curb he notices his boss's car pulling away. He sighs, and grabs the bag from the seat next to him. His thoughts race as he makes his way to her apartment. When he reaches her apartment he stops, and stares at the door.

"It's open," she calls out from the other side.

He turns the knob, and pushes it open. He steps inside, and places the bag on the counter. He looks at her, as she pulls a dress over Zafirah's head. She carefully slips another one on the little girl.

"What happened?" he wanders.

"Oh, she just spilled some juice on herself."

"How did you know I was at the door? I didn't knock."

"You aren't very quiet."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard your footsteps."

"How did you know it was me?"

"We've been partners for nearly six years, I would more concerned, if I didn't recognize your footsteps."

"Zi?"

"Huh?"

"We need to talk."

"I know."

"I mean..."

"Not now," she warns.

"When?"

"Later," she answers.

"Later, when?" he inquires.

"When she falls asleep."

"Zi, I don't think it can wait that long."

Zafirah looks at Tony, and then to Ziva. She looks at her confusion. "Daddy, sad?" she asks.

"No," Ziva shakes her head.

"Mommy, mad?" she quizzes.

"No. We're just tired."

"Nap?"

"We're too old to nap," Tony answers as he approaches them. He reaches down, and offers Ziva his hand. She gets up off the floor. Zafirah stands between them. She takes a step forward, and wraps her arms around Tony's leg. She presses her head against the side of his leg.

He looks down at her. "And just what, exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Stay," she pouts.

"Stay? You missed me, while I was gone?"

She nods.

"I missed you too," he admits, as he peels her off his leg. He lifts her into his arms. She squirms, and reaches for Ziva. Ziva smiles, and takes her from Tony.

"Do you think that's normal?" Tony questions.

"You are asking me, about normal? How would I know?"

"I don't think it is."

"What do you want me to do about it?'

"I think that we should take her to see someone."

"Someone? Who?"

"Like a professional."

"Tony, she's fine."

"What if she's not? We need to take her to see a pediatrician, and a..."

"A what?" she cuts him off.

"Psychologist."

"Why?"

"Because she has attachment issues. What's going to happen when we go to work?"

"Now is not the time to have this conversation," she insists.

"I thought that I saw Gibbs leaving, when I was parking the car."

"You did."

"He was here?"

"Yes."

"He knows?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And, what?"

"What did he say?"

"That we need to figure out what this means."

"Have you?"

"Have I, what?"

"Figured it out, yet?"

"No."

"E.J. called."

"Why are you telling me?"

"I thought that you'd want to know."

"I don't really care what you and E.J. do," Ziva admits.

"You don't? She certainly cares about what you and, I do."

"That is your problem, not mine."

"Ziva," he grabs her by the shoulders. She shoots him a look. He lets go, and takes a step back. He continues, "I told her."

"Told her? You told her what?"

"About Zafirah."

"And what did she say?"

"I don't know. She was upset, and I didn't really want to deal with her, so I hung up."

"You hung up on her? Why would you do that?"

"Because I was done with the conversation."

"You can't just tell someone, something like that, and then be done with the conversation."

"I just didn't want to have that conversation on the phone."

"What conversation? I mean what is there to talk about, really?"

"Really? We have a lot to talk about."

"We, as in you and E.J., or we as in you, and I?"

"The latter one."

"Like what, exactly?"

"The fact that we slept together, and never talked about. It was more than just once."

"I know, I was there."

Zafirah starts to squirm. Ziva puts her on the floor, in front of a pile of wooden blocks. She steps away. Tony follows her into the kitchen. Tony lowers his voice a notch, "And then there is the fact that you were pregnant, and you didn't tell me. And now we have a child, together. You are my partner, and we have a child, together."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me why I shouldn't be angry at you."


	16. Blame It On Me

"If you want to be angry at me, then be angry at me."

"You are supposed to convince me that I have no reason to be angry with you."

"Maybe, but..."

"But what?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you should be angry with me. I am angry with me."

"Why?"

"Because I made stupid choices. I did stupid things. All of this, is my fault."

"Ziva..." he tries to reason with her, but she cuts him off.

"I don't want to hear it, Tony. You aren't going to convince me that I'm not to blame. Because, I am to blame. I am the one who didn't tell you I was pregnant. I am the one who chose to stay in Israel. I am the one who chose to go on that mission. I am the one who chose to trust all the wrong people. I am the one who nearly got her killed. I am the reason we thought she was dead. All of that, is my fault."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"That it was my fault? I thought that you knew."

"No, why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant? You knew for a while, before you left. How long did you know, before you left?"

"A while."

"Define a while."

"About two months."

"About two months? As in maybe seven, or eight weeks, or, more than that?"

"Closer to two and a half."

"And you never considered telling me?"

"I considered it."

"But you didn't. Why not?"

"I told you, already."

"No, you didn't. If you had stayed, you would have had to tell me, eventually. Or did you always plan to go back to Israel?"

"No. I didn't plan that."

"You would have had to tell me."

"I know."

"How long were you planning on waiting?"

"Until you started asking questions."

"You never thought of just telling me? I mean that has to be a load, to carry around. Especially since no one knew."

She looks at him, but says nothing.

"Someone knew?"

She nods.

"You told someone?"

"No. I didn't tell anyone."

"Who knew?"

"Abby."

"Abby? You let Abby know, and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't let her know. She figured it out, on her own."

"I don't know why you thought you couldn't tell me."

"There were a lot of reasons."

"I just need one," he admits.

"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to be involved. I had already made my decision. I was going to do it on my own."

"You never had to."

"I didn't think it was fair."

"What are you talking about?"

"I wasn't going to ask you to make that decision. It wasn't what you signed up for. We both needed someone, then, and so we allowed ourselves to rationalize being with each other. It never should have happened. We weren't in a relationship. It was just sex. It was supposed to be no strings attached."

"Ziva, we made a child, together. You didn't sign up for it either. It just happened."

"You are telling me, that you really want to do this?"

"Do what?"

"This. This is a complete and total mess. It is going to be messy, and complicated, for a while. Are you really ready to be someone's parent?"

"No, I'm not ready."

"There are a lot of sacrifices that have to be made. I will understand, if you don't want to make them."

"Ziva, she's my daughter. Do you think that I am just going to walk away, because neither of us signed up for this?"

"I don't want you to do this because you feel obligated."

"You want me to do it, because I want to?"

"Yes."

"Ziva you didn't sign up for this either. No one is going to make you do this..."

"Make me? Tony, don't even go there. I will admit, I made some monumental mistakes, before, but... I am not going to walk away, from her."

"You're not scared?"

"Are you really asking me that? I am scared out of my mind. I am confused, and angry, and I'm not sure how to handle this. I am in shock, still, but I want to do this. I want her. I have always wanted her."

"Always?" he cocks his head.

"Since the second I found out about her."

"How could you be so sure?"

She shrugs, "I don't know, I just was."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"Now we need to figure out how this is going to work."

"Yes, we do."

"We need to figure out a schedule, and..."

"I don't think now is the right time."

"Why not?"

Ziva looks past him, she points to the living room. He turns around, and finds Zafirah staring at them, in silence. She smiles at them. She turns around, and returns to her blocks. They each exhale, and join her in the living room. Tony kneels down beside her. Ziva pulls out her camera.

"Can I help?" Tony asks.

Zafirah shakes her head.

"No? Why not?" Tony questions.

"Fall down," she replies.


	17. Two Beds, and Every Other Weekend

"We need to get her a bed."

"We need to decide where we're going to put it, first."

"What do you mean?"

"Where is she going to stay? Where is she going to live? Here? With me? Or with you? I mean I only have one bedroom. There's not really a whole lot of space to put her."

"She can't sleep in your bed with you," he points out.

"Not long term."

"We should buy two beds. One for my place, and one for here. Should we get a crib? Or a bed?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"We need to figure out who she is going to stay with, on what days."

"You want to split it evenly?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"I don't think it's a good idea to do one week here, and one week there."

"No, that's too much. She's just getting to know us, we can't expect her to spend a week away from one of us, at a time."

"So how are we going to do it?"

"She could spend one day with you, one day with me."

"I think that may be too much back and forth," she postulates.

"There are seven days in a week," he points out.

"You're saying that it is going to be uneven?"

"Yes. How many days do you want her?"

"Seven," she answers.

"You can't have seven."

"Six?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Five?"

"I don't think so."

"You're greedy," she tells him.

"She's my daughter too."

"Four?"

"You get her four, and I get her three?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Which four?"

"I want her on the weekend."

"I want her on the weekend."

"Why don't we both spend the weekend with her?"

"Split the weekend?"

"No, we will both spend the weekend with her. You stay here, or I can stay over there. She should get time with the two of us, together."

"I think you're right. So what about the other five days?"

"You get two, and I get three."

"Which ones do you want?"

"I can take Wednesday, Thursday, Friday."

"Why?"

"I thought you might like to spend Friday without her, so you could..."

"My social life is not that important here. She is the priority."

"So why don't we alternate, each week? I'll take her on..."

"No because then someone gets to spend Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with her."

"That happens either way. The other person gets to spend Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday with her."

"Yeah, but if we alternate the person who spent Wednesday through Sunday with her, gets to spend Monday, and Tuesday with her, too."

"Then we won't alternate. You get Monday, and Tuesday."

"Fine."

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"We have to go back to work. Where is she going to go?"

"I guess we'll have to find someone to watch her."

"Like daycare?"

"Daycare? I don't think that..."

"I think it would be better."

"Why?"

"Because she is already sort of antisocial towards kids. I think that she should spend some time with other kids her age."

"I don't like the thought of putting her in daycare."

"Why don't we find her a pre-school, and we'll hire a nanny for her to be with, after pre-school. I think that's a fair compromise."

"Except it is April. No school is going to take her now. And pre-school waiting lists can be three years long."

"I have a connection that could get her in, to a good school. Someone owes me a favor."

"I think that she is too young to be in school."

"You want her to have a nanny?"

"Yes."

"Ok," he nods, "We'll get her a nanny."

"There's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"We don't know any."

"I have a buddy who uses a nanny service, I'll give him a call, see if he can help us out."

"And until then?"

"I still have over a week left of vacation. I'll stay with her."

"You want to stay with her, at your place?"

"It has more space."

"Your second bedroom is full, of crap."

"No, it's not."

"The last time I saw it, it was."

"I put it all in storage, this morning, before I came over."

"Oh."

"So should we go get some beds?"

"Where am I going to put a bed?"

"I think you need a bigger apartment."

"I think that..."

"You think what?"

"That this would have been easier, under different circumstances."

"Easy? I don't know anything about easy, do you?"

She smiles, "No." From their seat on the couch, they stare at the little girl, playing with a puzzle on the floor. She looks up at them.

"Hi," she smiles.

"Zafirah, come over here," Tony suggests.

"No," she answers.

"I'll read you a story."

She looks over, to the coffee table, at a stack of books. She looks to Tony, then to Ziva. She smiles, "No, mommy."


	18. Wake Up Call

Tony stares at the freshly bathed toddler. She lies in a freshly made bed, with freshly washed, newly purchased linens. She wears purple, and blue pajamas. Her hair is wet, and still smells of baby shampoo. Tony sits next to her bed. He sits on the floor, yawning.

"One more," she chirps.

"No more stories. Zafirah, it's time for bed."

"No, bed."

He pulls the covers up farther, until they're tucked under her chin. He kisses her forehead.

"Time for bed."

"No."

"Close your eyes. It's time for you to go to sleep."

"No."

He gets up off the floor, and turns off the lamp. He walks away. He stops in the doorway.

"Goodnight," he tells her. He leaves the door open, and heads into his room. He makes a beeline for the shower. Ten minutes later he comes out of the bathroom, in a pair of pajama bottoms, and a white t-shirt.

"Daddy?" A little voice calls out.

He turns on the lamp, next to his bed. He finds a little girl sitting on his bed.

"What are you doing in here?"

"No sleep."

He reaches down for her, "Come on. Back to your bed."

"No," she shakes her head.

"Zafirah, come on," he begs.

"No, daddy," she whines.

"No? Why not?"

"Sleep here."

"You can't sleep in here. Daddy sleeps in here."

"Sleep with you."

"No, you need to sleep in your bed. In your big girl bed. It has princesses on it. And it has your pretty purple blanket. Don't you want to sleep in your own room? In your own bed?"

She shakes her head, "No."

"Why? Are you afraid?"

"No."

"Why do you want to sleep in here?"

"You, here."

"I'm here? You don't want to sleep in there, by yourself?"

"No."

"Ok, just this once. Just tonight."

"Mommy?"

"Mommy is at home."

"I want mommy."

"Mommy is asleep."

"Mommy no sleep."

"Zafirah, you need to go to sleep. You can see mommy tomorrow."

"No!"

"If we call her, will you go to sleep?"

"No."

"You need to go to sleep, you're tired, and whiny, and you're driving me nuts," he tells her as he climbs in bed, and flips off the light.

She crawls under the covers, next to him.

"Daddy?"

He sighs, "What?"

"Cold."

"You're cold?"

"Yes."

He scoots her towards him, until she is right next to him. He feels her grip on her doll tighten.

"Night, daddy."

"Goodnight."

When he wakes up he feels a heaviness in his chest. He opens his eyes, and finds Zafirah laying on his chest. She lays on her stomach, with the side of her head against his chest. Her ear is pressed against his heart. He feels her drool, through his t-shirt. He hears his phone vibrate, on his bedside stand. He carefully reaches for it, trying not to wake Zafirah. He pulls it to his ear.

"Hello?" he says in a hushed tone.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No."

"I didn't? It's only five thirty," she points out.

"I just woke up."

"Why?"

"I was having a hard time breathing."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. I just have a toddler sleeping on my chest."

"Oh. Is she ok?"

"Ziva, she's fine. She's still asleep."

"Ok."

"Do you want me to wake her up? So you can talk to her, before you go to work?"

"No..."

"Hold on," he tells her. "Zafirah, your mommy's on the phone," he says softly. She opens her eyes. He offers her the phone. She puts it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Mommy," Zafirah answers.

"Hi. Are you ok?"

"Sleepy."

"You can go back to sleep."

"Love you, mommy."

"Love you, too," the words slip from her tongue effortlessly, for the first time, in her life. "I'll see you later," she promises.

"Bye," Zafirah responds, handing the phone back to Tony.

"I guess she's done talking," he informs her.

"That's ok. It's early."

"I hope that you have better luck, keeping her in her own bed. When I came out of the shower last night, she was in my bed. I got up around one, and put her back in her bed. But here she is, in bed, with me, again."

"I'll be by after work."

"Ok."

"You should talk to E.J."

"I..."

"Go back to sleep. Obviously Zafirah takes after you."

"Because she's not an early riser? I think it has more to do with the time difference."

"I've got to go."

"Ok. I'll see you later."

She hangs up.


	19. Someone Who'll Listen

_March 6th, 2009_

_Ziva stands in Abby's lab. She one arm crossed over her chest, with the other perpendicular to it. She chews on a hangnail on her thumb. She barely hears a word Abby says. Her mind wanders. She looks up, and finds Abby staring at her._

_"You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?"_

_"I..."_

_"I something on your mind?"_

_"I guess," she replies._

_"You want to talk about it?"_

_"No," she shakes her head._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Ziva?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"You usually aren't this distracted."_

_"I know. I just have a lot on my mind, right now."_

_"You always have a lot on your mind."_

_"More than usual."_

_"Because of the case?"_

_"No, it has nothing to do with the case."_

_"Boy trouble?"_

_"No."_

_"What else is left?"_

_She allows herself to make eye contact with Abby. She looks at her for too long. She looks away abruptly, knowing that it's probably too late._

_"Wait a minute. Are you pregnant?"_

_"Shh!" Ziva hisses._

_"Are you?"_

_She shrugs, "I don't know. I might be." _

_Abby walks away. She rummages through a drawer, and returns with a cup. She hands it to Ziva._

_"What do you want me to do with that?"_

_"Pee in it. We'll find out right now."_

_"Abby..."_

_"You're not going to be able to focus on the case, if you're worried about whether you are, or not."_

_"And if I am?"_

_"Just pee in the cup," Abby insists._

_Ten minutes later Abby looks up from her computer. Ziva stares at her, in irritation._

_"What is taking so long?"_

_"I just want to make sure."_

_"Just tell me, am I, or not?"_

_"Not, to ruin your day, or anything, but..."_

_"I am?"_

_"You are."_

_"Oh," she exhales._

_"So who's the father?"_

_"Do not ask me that, because I cannot tell you."_

_"You don't know?"_

_"I know, I just can't tell you."_

_"Why?"_

_"Abby, stop asking questions."_

_"Ok."_

_"Ok?"_

_"You just found out, so I'm going to give you time to process."_

_"Give her time to process what?" Gibbs questions._

_"The DNA evidence that you brought me, was not a match to the suspect."_

_"I thought she would want a little time, to come up with a new theory, before she told you," Abby covers._

_He turns to Ziva, "Well do you have another theory?"_

She looks up, from her computer screen. She finds Gibbs standing in front of her desk, staring at her.

"You ok, Ziva?"

"Uh huh," she nods.

"Something on your mind?"

"Yes."

"You want to talk about that something?"

She shakes her head, "Not, now."

"Later."

"Later," she repeats.

"Ziver?"

"Yeah, Gibbs?"

"You know who is a great listener?"

"Not her," she glances in E.J.'s direction.

"Don't worry about her. That isn't your concern. She is not your problem."

"But she could cause me problems."

"I don't think she will. I think that has probably ran it's course."

"I doubt it."

"Why don't you go down, and see Abby?"

"I'll see what she has for us," Ziva agrees.

"I was just down there."

"So... right, she's a great listener."

She vacates her seat, and walks away from her desk. She leaves the squad room, and rides the elevator to the lab. Ziva finds Abby staring at her computer screen, frantically typing, as usual. The music blares from overhead.

"Abby?"

"I have nothing new. I'm busy, do you need something?"

"To talk."

Abby stops, mid-keystroke. She grabs the remote, and flips off the stereo. She spins around, and looks at Ziva.

"I'm listening. You have my full attention. What do you need to talk about?"

"Do you remember March, of 2009?"

"March 6th, 2009? I remember it like it was yesterday. Why are you bringing it up?"

"That's what I want to talk about."

"Really? You never wanted to talk about it then. Every time I asked, you just ignored me."

"I shouldn't have."

"Why are you bringing it up, now? Are you pregnant, again?"

"No," she shakes her head.


	20. Minds At Ease

"You never wanted to talk about it then."

"Because I was afraid to."

"Why? You thought that I would judge you?"

"No. I didn't want anyone to overhear us."

"Oh, ok. So why do you want to talk about it now? I mean that was two years ago. You were a different person then."

A look of realization comes over Ziva's face. She smiles, "Abby, I didn't," she shakes her head.

"You didn't?" Abby stares at her, in a look of confusion.

"I didn't have an abortion, if that's what you thought."

"But you went to Israel, and..."

"I know."

"You lost the baby?"

Ziva shakes her head, "No."

"You were pregnant, and you went anyway?"

"Yes."

"That is..."

"Stupid, careless, reckless, idiotic, yes, I know."

"What brought this up?"

"Can I give you the short version?" she questions.

"Yes, I have a lot of work to do."

"I found out that the baby I thought was dead, wasn't."

"I'm going to need the long version."

"Um... let's see. I didn't lose the baby. I gave birth, prematurely, in the desert. She wasn't breathing. I lost consciousness, didn't wake up for seven days. I was told that she was a he, and that he was dead. I Found out the night before last, that she's alive."

"How did you find that out?"

"When I got a phone call in the middle of the night, and then he brought her to my doorstep."

"A call from who?"

"Um..."

"Tony?"

"Yes."

"He's..."

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell him?"

"No, not until last week."

"And?"

"He decided to go to Yemen, and make sure that what I was told was true."

"But it wasn't?"

"No."

"And now you... with... oh, wow... does Gibbs know?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"Figure it out."

"That was it?"

"That was the bottom line."

"So how do you plan on doing that?"She shrugs, "I don't know."

"And Tony?"

"He seems, excited."

"Excited?"

"I know, I was surprised too."

"Where is she now?"

"With him."

"And you aren't worried?"

"Of course I am."

"I mean she's a baby. How old..."

"Nineteen months old."

"Does she understand English?"

"Yes. And Arabic. She speaks both. More English that Arabic."

"And she can say what she wants?"

"Yes."

"I can't imagine him changing a diaper."

"Neither can I," Ziva admits.

"Isn't she still in diapers?"

"No. She's potty trained."

"Isn't that a little bit, young?"

"She potty trained herself."

"Am I going to get to meet her?"

"Eventually."

"Does E.J. know about her?"

"I think that he told her, on the phone."

"How did that go over?"

"Not well."

"Have you seen her yet, today?"

"Yes."

"And has she spoken to you?"

"No I have been trying to avoid her."

"Ziva are you ok?"

"I... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Yesterday I woke up, with a little girl. I don't know to do this. I don't know how to make it work. I mean it's complicated. Right now I am supposed to be here, and I am supposed to focus on the case, but how can I? Tony is at home with her."

"Is she ok with him?"

"She's fine with him, but she has very defined likes, and dislikes."

"Maybe you should call, and check in."

"I don't want him to think that I don't trust him."

"Do you?"

"I do, but... this is different."

"So call him."

"What if..."

"Just call him. Put your mind at ease."

"I already called him once today."

"When? It's only nine thirty."

"At five thirty."

"Did you wake him up?"

"He said that he was awake."

"And the baby?"

"She's still adjusting to the time difference. Her sleep pattern is all over the place. And she refuses to sleep in her own bed."


	21. Unbelievable

He looks over, at the seat on the couch, next to him. Zafirah sits next to him, reading a book.

"Hey, why don't you come over here?"

"Reading," she answers.

"Why don't you read to me?"

"No."

He picks her up. He plants her on his lap. "No? I think you might want to change your mind."

"No," she shakes her head.

"You leave me no choice," he warns. She looks up at him with a smile. He starts to tickle her. She giggles uncontrollably. Finally between giggles she is able to squeak out, "Daddy!"

He stops, and looks at her. "You want me to stop?"

"Please."

"Ok. Will you read to me?"

"Ok."

He holds the book out in front of them. "What are we reading?"

"_Green Eggs and Ham_," she answers him.

He looks at her, wondering if it was just a lucky guess. He turns the page. She looks at the page, then up at him.

"Go ahead," he insists.

"I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam I am."

He stops her, "Zafirah."

"What, Daddy?"

"You can read."

"Yes."

He points to a word. "Can you tell me what that word is?"

"Green," she answers.

He lifts her off his lap. He leaves the book on the seat of the couch. He carries her into the kitchen. He goes through the drawers until he finds a pencil, and a notebook. He sits her on the counter. He writes down a word, and then holds it up for her to see.

"Do you know what the word is?"

"My name."

"Your name?"

"Zafirah," she answers.

He scribbles down another word. He points to it. This word too, starts with a Z.

"Ziva," she replies.

He scribbles down a third word, that starts with a Z. He holds it up for her to see.

"Zebra. What's that?"

"A zebra? It's kind of like a horse. Do you know what a horse is?"

"It goes, 'nay'," she responds.

"Well a Zebra looks like a horse, but it has black and white stripes."

"Daddy, read."

"Zafirah, why you go get your clothes, and get dressed?"

"And read?"

"No. We can read later."

"Daddy..."

"I want to take you to the zoo."

"The Zoo?"

"We can go see a Zebra."

"Ok."

He lifts her off the counter. She races into her bedroom. He follows behind her. When he reaches her room he flips on her light. She goes over to the dresser, and opens up the drawer.

"What do you want to wear?" he inquires.

"Dress."

"What color?"

She points to a blue dress, "Blue."

She sits in her stroller, with a tiny pair of sunglasses, and a blue hat on, when his phone rings. He pulls the phone out of his pocket, as he lifts her out of the stroller, to get a better view of the monkeys.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at a monkey."

"Are you calling her a monkey?"

"Not Zafirah, we're looking at an actual monkey."

"Is that what all the noise is?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"We're at the zoo."

"Oh."

"Did you know that she can read?"

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't just look at the pictures in the books, she can read them."

"Tony, don't be ridiculous. She's smart, but..."

"Ziva, I'm serious. She started reading _Green Eggs and Ham_ to me this morning. She doesn't just have it memorized, either. She read it to me. I thought that maybe she just knew the words. But she doesn't. She can actually read."

"I think that you're having delusions."

"I'm not. You'll see."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. It's fine."

"Daddy," a little voice interrupts.

"What?"

"Hungry," she answers.

"Zi, I've got to go get her something to eat."

"Will you put her on the phone?"

"Hold on."

He puts Zafirah back into her stroller, and hands the phone to her.

"Mommy?" she guesses.

"Hi. Are you having fun?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?"

"The Zoo."

"What have you seen, at the zoo?"

"Monkeys, and zebras, and tigers, and frogs."

"Are you having fun?"

"Yes. Mommy?"

"What?"

"Where are you?"

"I am at work."


	22. Stay

She arrives at Tony's apartment at 2017. She opens the door to the apartment. She finds it unusually quiet. She tiptoes past the kitchen, into the living room. She finds the T.V. on. Tony is passed out on the floor. Zafirah lies on the floor next to him, snoring. She taps Tony's foot, with her boot. He opens his eyes, and looks at her.

"Hey."

"Long day?" she inquires.

"Mmhm."

"What were you watching?"

"Sesame Street."

"Since when do you watch Sesame Street?"

"I was trying to find something for her to watch, about animals, but the discovery channel is too graphic, so I decided we could watch Sesame Street, while we were waiting for you. She already had a bath, and brushed her teeth."

"What did you do all day?"

"We read some books. Then we went to the zoo. When after she ate, she fell asleep, so we came home. When she woke up she asked why we where the zebra's went. Then we played with blocks. After that, we colored for a while. She colored you a picture, of a zebra. She may be obsessed."

Zafirah wakes up. She looks around. She looks at Ziva, and then at Tony.

"Zebra," is the first thing she says.

"It's on your bed," he replies.

She gets up off the floor, and goes into her room. She returns with a doll tucked under one arm, and a zebra tucked under the other. She stops when she reaches Ziva.

"Hi, mommy."

"Hi," Ziva scoops her up, off the floor.

"Mommy? Go to bed?"

"You're ready for bed? I just got here."

"Sleepy," she answers.

Tony looks up at her. He smiles at her. "You know I really need to get a shower. I've still got some zoo funk on me. Why don't you go ahead, and put her in bed?"

"Are you sure?"

"You've been at work all day, and we got to play, and have fun. It's the least I could do. Make sure you tuck her in really tight though, I don't want her to escape."

"Ok," Ziva carries the sleepy toddler into her bedroom. Tony leaves the living room, and scurries off to his room to get clean clothes, and hit the shower.

Ziva flips on the lamp sitting on the stand next to Zafirah's bed. She gently places her in the bed, and pulls the covers over her. She just stares at her. Zafirah looks at her questioningly.

"Do you need something?"

"Book."

"You want me to read you a story?"

"Yes," she nods.

Ziva grabs a book of the stand, and begins to read. Halfway through the story Zafirah interrupts.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"You stay?"

"Stay? I can't stay."

"You stay."

"Zafirah, I can't stay."

"Please."

"I have to go home. I need to go to work in the morning. You can stay here with Tony."

Zafirah looks at her, with a peculiar look on her face.

"With your daddy," Ziva corrects herself.

"No."

"No?"

"Want you."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"No," she shakes her head.

"Zafirah I think that you're getting sleepy."

"No," she pouts, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why don't I stay, until you fall asleep?"

She furrows her brow, in dissatisfaction. Ziva turns off the light. She sits on the floor, next to Zafirah's bed. Zafirah reaches out for her. Ziva holds her hand. Ziva stays in her room, until she hears Zafirah snoring. She carefully places the little girl's hand, on her chest. She kisses her cheek, and leaves the room. She leaves the door cracked. She finds Tony, in the living room, on the couch, waiting for her.

"She's out," Ziva reveals.

"I'm not surprised. We had a long day. She had a great time at the zoo. You should have seen her."

"I wish I could have been there."

"At least tomorrow is Friday."

"So.."

"I assume that you want her, for the weekend?"

"If that's ok with you."

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Have you talked to E.J.?"

"Does she have Rose, and her zebra?" He avoids the topic.

"Yes, I tucked them in, next to her."

"She's great, isn't she?"

"She's... perfect."

"I can't believe how amazing she is."

"I can't believe that she's here."

"It's... unbelievable."

"I think that we should make her an appointment with..."

"I already did."

"You don't know what I was going to say."

"I made her an appointment, with a pediatrician, and a child psychologist. For tomorrow."

"Ok."

"You're ok with that?"

"I have to be. It's what's best for her."

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"What if we aren't what's best for her? I mean neither of us know what we're doing?"

"Are you suggesting that..."

"No. We're just going to have to try harder, than other people, I think."

"Yeah. It doesn't help, how complicated things are."

"Complicated? They're not that complicated."

"You're with E.J., and you haven't talked to her. And..."

"You don't want E.J. around her?"

"Not right now. I mean she is just getting to know us. She is just getting used to us. I don't think now is a good time to introduce her to your girlfriend, or whatever she is."

"Ziva, she comes first. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I have made a lot of wrong choices. I am trying my hardest, to make all the right decisions, for her. I didn't have a great childhood. I want her to have a great childhood. I want her to be a happy, healthy little girl. I know that neither of us planned to have a child, not now, and not together, but we do. We have to make the best of it, for her. She needs us, and if I have to let E.J. go, then I will."

"You would really do that?"

"She's my daughter. I would do anything for her."

"Two weeks ago, you didn't even know that she existed. You didn't know that she was ever even an idea. A week ago, you didn't know she was alive. How can you be so certain?"

"She's my daughter."


	23. Lucky

_A/N: I finally got this fixed. The problem was that I originally uploaded this chapter as 22. This is actually 23. I uploaded 22. 23 used to be 22. Now 22 is actually 22. Sorry for all the confusion. Hopefully when I add 24 it won't be such an ordeal. Thanks for your patience. R&R._

* * *

><p>"How is it, that we already..."<p>

"Are willing to sacrifice, anything, for her? How do we love her so much, when we just met her? I don't know."

"I don't even know how this happened."

"How she got here, to us, after all this time?"

"That too."

"Too? What do you mean?"

"I don't really even know how I got pregnant," she admits.

"They don't teach sex education, in Israel?"

"They do.."

"So why don't you understand?"

"Because, I was on the pill, and you..."

"I know. Things happen."

"You don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"When I was a teenager I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured."

"So?"

"I only have one ovary."

"I see. I guess some things are just meant to be."

"Tony..."

"Yeah?"

"We're going to have to get back to reality, at some point."

"I thought we were in reality."

"I mean, we're going to have to work together, every day. We have to be partners, and we have a child. I don't know what to make of that."

"Let's start at the beginning."

"The beginning?" she questions as she sinks into the seat, next to him.

"What happened, we never talked about it."

"I didn't think that we had to. It just happened."

"And, it kept happening."

"I guess, I just needed to be with someone that I trusted."

"When did you decide it would be ok, to cross that line?"

"I am not the one who decided that. You did."

"I did?"

"Yes," she nods.

"When?"

"The first time. Do you remember the first time?"

"It was after Jeanne. You tried to console me, but... you couldn't seem to make me get my mind off of her."

"There was only one other thing I knew to do, to get you to shut up. I never intended for it to go that far."

"But it did, and now here we are."

"Yes, now here we are."

"We have a baby. A little girl."

"I'm scared," she reveals.

"Of what?"

"Ruining her life. I mean... you and I, we can barely agree on who gets to drive the car. How are we going to agree on what's best for her? How are we going to do that, without arguing, in front of her?"

"We just have to try harder."

"I think that we're used to that."

"She's lucky, though."

"How do you figure?"

"Cause she's got you," he replies.

"How does that make her lucky? It puts her at a disadvantage."

"No," he shakes his head.

"No?"

"She has a mother, who would give her life for her, and nearly did. That is something. You love her, even though you don't know why, or how."

"She's lucky to have you," Ziva argues.

"Why would you say that? I am goofy, and..."

"She loves you. And, you refused to give up, on her, even when I had. You went halfway around the world, for her."

"I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat."

"Why did you go?"

"I needed to know the truth, for myself. I needed to be sure. It's not something that I was willing to have any doubt about. I just... something didn't feel right."

"Your gut?"

He smirks, "Yeah, I guess."

"I'm glad."

"You have to admit, we did good."

"What do you mean?"

"She's beautiful. And smart."

"That is true."

"I think that's more your doing, than mine. She gets that from you."

"From me?"

"Yeah. Who would have ever guessed that we would have gotten her? Out of all of the twisted around, ass-backwards situations that we've been in, how did we get her? I guess that through all the crap, somewhere in all the mistakes, and wrong turns, we must have done something right."

"I don't know how."

"But we did."

"Yes, we did."

"You look tired. You should get home, you have to go to work in the morning."

"I don't want to leave her."

"Then don't."

"I have to. She has to get used to the fact that she's not going to get to be with both of us. I want to stay, but I know that I can't."

"I don't want to spoil her, but it breaks my heart, when she doesn't get her way, and she makes that sad face."

"That face, she gets from you."

"From me? No, the look in her eyes, that comes with the face, that is all you."

"Me? I don't pout."

"Yes you do," he argues.

"I should get going."

"Are you going to call in the morning?"

"I don't want to wake you up. You can call when she wakes up."

"Ok," he agrees.


	24. Interruptions

He wakes up, and finds a screeching toddler, next to his bed. He turns on the light. He looks down at her. Her face is red, and the tears roll. He reaches down, and lifts her into the bed, with him. He puts her next to him. He wipes off her cheeks.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She sniffles, "Mommy!" she answers.

"Mommy isn't here."

"Mommy!"

"Mommy is in bed, asleep."

"Want, mommy."

"Zafirah, it's late. You need to go to sleep," he pleads.

"No," she shakes her head, "Mommy!"

"Mommy isn't here. I'm here. Do you want to sleep in here, with me? Will that make you feel better?"

"No."

"No?"

"Want, mommy," she splutters.

"Zafirah, lay down."

"No," she coughs, "Mommy!"

He notices the vein in her head pulsating. He reaches for his phone. He dials her number. Noting that the clock says 0328.

"I'm calling her. Ok? Will talking to her make you feel better?"

"No."

"David," she answers half-asleep.

"I have a little situation."

"Why are you calling so late? Is something wrong? Is she crying?"

"Yes, she wants you."

"Put her on the phone."

He holds the phone out, "Zafirah, your mommy is on the phone."

She takes the phone from him, "Mommy?"

"Zafirah, what's wrong?"

"Want, you."

"I'm at home. You need to go to sleep."

"No, want you."

"It's late. Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. You can stay with me tomorrow. Ok?"

"No. Want you."

"Please go to sleep. If you go to sleep now, I'll come see you in the morning."

"No. Now!"

"Put your daddy back on the phone."

Zafirah wipes away snot, on the back of her sleeve, as she hands Tony the phone.

"She's not giving up," he points out.

"I know."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I'll be over in a few minutes," she tells him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Twenty minutes later she shows up, at his doorstep. She brings a change of clothes. She tosses it on the back of the couch. Zafirah runs out of the bedroom, to greet her. She is still crying. She wraps herself around Ziva's leg. Ziva bends down, and lifts her onto her hip.

"What's wrong?"

"Mommy," she answers.

"You needed me?"

Zafirah nods her head.

"Ok," Ziva lowers herself to the couch. Tony comes out, with a blanket and a pillow.

"You sure about this?"

"Yes," Ziva answers.

She lays down, with Zafirah on her chest. She pats the little girl's back, trying to soothe her, to sleep. Tony tosses a blanket over them. He quickly retreats to his room. Ziva feels Zafirah's sporadic breathing, as the crying begins to slow.

"Shh! You're ok. I'm right here. Close your eyes, and go to sleep," she begs, as she runs her fingers through Zafirah's curls. Her breathing begins to even out. She places her hand against Ziva's heart.

A hushed voice wakes her. She opens her eyes, and finds Tony, kneeling next to her.

"Hey, you need to get up. It's almost six."

"How am I going to get..."

"I'll take her."

He artfully slides Zafirah off her chest. Her head rests against his shoulder, as he carries her into the bedroom. He climbs into bed, with her on his chest. He closes his eyes, and listens as the shower turns on. The sound lulls him back to sleep.

Hours later he awakens to the sound of someone knocking on the door. He carefully slides out from under Zafirah, who is still fast asleep. He tiptoes out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He scurries through the living room, to the door. He pulls the door open, without looking through the peephole.

"What are you doing here?"

"You're not answering my phone calls."

"So you thought it would be a good idea, to just drop by?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"What you said, the other day."

"By all means, come in."

She stops, before she reaches the living room. She surveys the room. There are toys all over the floor of the living room.

"So there's really a kid?"

"Yes," he answers.

"Where is she?"

"In the bedroom, asleep."

"She's here, now?"

"Where else would she be?"

E.J. shrugs, "With a babysitter."

"Why? I'm off. Why wouldn't I be with her?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just found out."

"You really have a kid, with your partner?"

"Yes."

"What am I supposed to make of that?"

"I don't know."


	25. Revelations

"Give me some guidance."

"Guidance? What do you need guidance for?"

"You have a child, with your partner."

"I know that."

"That creates issues, don't you think?"

"What issues?"

"Between us. Between the two of you."

"How does it create issues between the two of us?"

"You lied to me."

"When?"

"You said you didn't have feelings for her."

"E.J..."

"You slept with her. You have a child with her. You obviously had feelings for her, at some point."

"You're way off base, here."

"Am I? I think you still have feelings for her."

"She's my partner."

"That doesn't mean that you can't have feelings for her."

"Look, right now, my priority is that little girl," he points to the bedroom.

"The little girl you have with your partner?"

"Are you jealous?"

"You spend an abnormal amount of time with her. Now you have a kid with her, and you spend even more time with her."

"Wow! You are unbelievable."

"How?"

"E.J. I have had fun, but I don't think that I can do this anymore. You're too jealous. You're too immature, to understand."

"Excuse me? I am not the one who has a child, with my partner. I am not the one who refuses to admit that I am in love with my partner. Maybe you're just too hard-headed to admit that. You have feelings for her. You have always had feelings for her. You, and I were never going to work, because you're always going to have another woman. You might not be sleeping with her, but... she's the one you want."

He doesn't say anything.

"I bet that you even thought about her, when we were together."

"E.J. just stop. You're making yourself look like a fool."

"No, you're doing that. I thought that I had finally found someone who understood. I wanted something easy, and I got this."

"I'm sorry, that this is more than you bargained for."

"You don't want this to work, do you?"

"I don't have the time to make it work, right now."

"I'm glad that I know how you really feel."

"It has nothing to do with you."

"No, it has to do with Ziva."

"No this isn't about her, either. It's about my daughter. If you don't get that, then there's the door."

"Goodbye," she turns, and storms out of the apartment, "I hope at some point you'll be able to admit the truth. Good luck."

"Daddy?" a voice calls out.

"In here," he responds, as he locks the door, behind E.J.

The bedroom door opens, and Zafirah comes out.

"Good morning, princess."

"Daddy?"

"Huh?"

"Mommy?"

"She's at work."

"No."

"She'll be over to see you, later."

"I want mommy."

"Baby girl, she's at work."

"Mommy, mommy, mommy."

"You want to see mommy?"

"Yes."

"Then you need to go get your clothes, so you can get dressed."

"No."

"No? Don't you want to see mommy?"

"Hungry."

"You're hungry? What do you want?"

She turns her palms up. He scoops her up, and carries her into the kitchen. He opens the cabinet, and pull out two boxes of cereal.

"Cheerios, or Chex?"

"Cheerios."

He grabs a plastic bowl, and pours some cheerios into it. He hands it to her. He grabs a sippy cup, and pours some milk into it. He carries her into the living room, and sits her on the couch.

"Eat your breakfast, and I'm going to go get dressed."

She nods. When he comes out of his bedroom, he finds her empty bowl, and half-empty sippy cup sitting on the coffee table.

"Zafirah? Where are you?"

"Daddy?" she calls out.

He goes into her room. He finds her looking in her drawer.

"What do you want to wear, today? The purple dress, or the red one?"

"Purple."

He pulls the dress out, and hands it to her. He gives her a pair of matching leggings. He helps her peel of her pajamas, and put her clean clothes on.


	26. Nightmare

_She runs down the sidewalk. She makes the realization that she is not wearing her usual running attire. In fact she isn't running normally. She is running frantically. From something? To something. A tiny voice answers he question._

_"Mommy? Mommy?"_

_She looks down the sidewalk. She sees nothing. She looks around. There are people on the sidewalk._

_"Mommy," the little voice screams._

_Her eyes search frantically, for the source of the voice. Finally she sees an open car door. She sees the little girl, through the back glass. She sees a man getting ready to get into the car. She races towards the car. The door slams. The window rolls down._

_"You're too late," he taunts._

_She stares at her tormenter's face, as the car he is in speeds off, with her little girl. _

She feels like someone is watching her. She opens her eyes, only to realize that she has fallen asleep at her desk. She lifts her head, and peels the piece of paper off her face. She wipes the drool from her mouth. She looks at a pair of blue eyes. He holds out a cup.

"I shouldn't let you have this, since you fell asleep at your desk."

"It won't happen again."

"Long night?"

"The phone woke me up, sometime around three."

"Yeah? You have to make a trip?"

"Yep."

"How did that go?"

"Fine, once I got there."

"You should answer that," he points to her phone.

She looks at her desk. The phone lights up. When had she put it on silent? She picks up the phone, and puts it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Do you have plans for lunch?"

"No, why?"

"You do now."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, she's just having another meltdown."

"Another?"

"We've only had three so far this morning."

She looks at her watch, "It's almost eleven."

"She's only been up since eight thirty."

"What's wrong?"

"She wants you."

"I'll meet you for lunch."

"I'm on my way to the bookstore, to keep her occupied until then."

"What have you done to occupy her, so far?"

"We made a trip to the pediatrician."

"What did he say?"

"That she's a little on the small side, but he said that it's not cause for concern since she was a preemie. He said that he expects her to catch up within the next year."

"Anything else?"

"She's cranky, because she had to get shots."

"Did she cry?"

"No. She was more upset that she got a pink band-aid, than she was about the shot."

"Did you..."

"I went and got her purple ones."

"What is she doing right now?"

"Eating some animal crackers. We're getting ready to go into the bookstore."

"Can I talk to her?"

"I don't think that it's a good idea. I just got her calmed down. I'm hoping that she might take a little nap, before she comes to see you."

"Who does she think you're on the phone with?"

"Work."

"Oh."

"Daddy?"

"I've got to go. I'll see you later," he hangs up.

She hangs up the phone, and finds Gibbs looking at her. He gets up from his desk, and approaches her.

"You ok?"

"Fine, why?"

"You seemed pretty upset, when you woke up."

"I'm fine."

"Bad dream?" he guesses.

"It was nothing," she brushes it off.

"Really?"

"I..."

"Lying doesn't get you anywhere."

"I dreamt that he took her from me."

"Who took her?"

She doesn't answer. She stares at him, with hollow eyes. He can see her travel back in time. He taps the back of her hand, with his index finger, to break her concentration. She looks up at him.

"Go see what Abby has for us. And call McGee, make sure he didn't get lost."

"He is a capable navigator."

"He should have been back twenty minutes ago."

"How long was I asleep?"

"About an hour."

"And you didn't wake me up?"

"I wasn't here."

"Right," she nods.

"Go, talk to Abby. I'm going to see what Ducky has for us."

"Ok," she nods, in agreement. She gets up from her desk, and heads to the elevator. The doors close behind her, but Gibbs doesn't join her. She tries to clear her head, as she rides down to Abby's lab. By the time the elevator doors open she finds her thoughts running rampant. She steps off the elevator, and makes her way into Abby's lab. Abby spins around, and looks at her.


	27. When The Truth Won't Do

Abby allows a moment of silence, to pass. Then she opens her mouth, to speak. She locks her eyes on Ziva.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you down here?"

"Gibbs sent me to see what you have."

"I see."

"What's that mean?"

"He was just down here."

"Oh."

"So what's wrong?"

"Everything," she replies.

"Everything?"

"I just, I don't even know what's going on, anymore. I feel like my entire life has turned upside down. I don't know how to deal with everything."

"You're overwhelmed?"

"I am... confused."

"What is there to be confused about?"

"Everything."

"Such as?"

"How can someone have any power over you, when they're dead?"

She shrugs, "If you let them."

"You're right."

"Who has any power over you?"

"I had a dream, about Saleem."

"He can't take her from you."

"I know that."

"You're afraid that you're going to lose her?"

"Yes," Ziva nods.

"And you're feeling a lot of emotions, that you don't know how to deal with?"

"Yes."

"Ziva you have to learn, to let go."

"I do not know how."

"The past, is the past. To move forward, you're going to have to let some of it go."

"I know."

"Ziva?"

"Yes?"

"You never told me how it happened."

"How he found her?"

Abby shakes her head, "How you wound up pregnant, with your partner's baby."

"It was not as if it was planned."

"I didn't think that it was. What happened?"

"The same thing that happened before."

"Before? You slept with him, more than once?"

"Yes."

"But..."

"Sometimes you just want to..."

"I understand, I just... you two never let on."

"I didn't want to talk about it.""Because?"

"Then it made everything real."

"It was real."

"Yes, too real."

"What do you mean, by that?"

"Sometimes the truth, is worse than a lie. Sometimes the truth can cause more damage, than a lie ever could."

"What truth?"

"It doesn't matter now. Everything has changed."

"Except how you feel."

"I..."

"You feel something for him."

"It was just sex."

"It was just supposed to be sex."

"It got complicated."

"But it got complicated, before you got pregnant, didn't it?"

"Yes."

"Because it was supposed to just be sex, but it wasn't. Was it?"

"Abby..."

"I mean you had his baby."

"I would have..." she trails off.

"Really? You would have, even if it wasn't his? You're really telling me that you would have fought as hard, if she was someone else's? What if she had been Michael's?"

"No. I cannot tell you that. I would like to, but I can't."

"Because it wouldn't be true."

"Things are never going to be simple. Things are always changing, and... I can't hold onto something, that I never had, that I can never have."

"Never is a long time."

"What do you want me to say?"

"That he hurt you. That you loved him, and him killing Michael, it changed things. You wanted more, but you walked away, because you didn't like the jealous side of him."

"I..."

"Have you ever stopped to wonder why he is always so jealous, of everyone you're with?"

"I have never understood."

"Maybe it's because he loves you too."

"He is my partner. He is just overprotective."

"I don't think that it's for the reasons you think."

"How do you know?"

"I just know. I know him, and I know you. Sometimes I wonder how long the two of you can dance around the truth, when it's staring you in the face. I think that it's time to face the facts."

"What facts?"

"That at the very least, the two of you have a child together. You chose to have that child, to fight for her. He traveled halfway across the world for her. You both love her. And part of you loves him..."

Ziva shakes her head, "No."

"Even if you don't want to. Even if you shouldn't. You do."

"I..."

"He's not just your partner, anymore. He's the father of your child. That means something to you."

"Abby.."

"Because once again, he has managed to show you a side of him, that you didn't know he had. Only, this time, it's a side that you like. A side you really like."


	28. Talk To Me

She pushes the door open, and steps into the apartment. She tiptoes past the kitchen, carefully navigating her way, into the living room. She stops at the couch.

"Hey," a voice greets.

"Why are you on the couch?"

"I didn't want you to wake her up, when you came in."

"Why are you on the couch?"

"Because I need to talk to you," he answers, flipping on the lamp. He spins around, putting his feet on the ground. She slides onto the seat, next to him.

"About what?"

"I think you should let her sleep."

"Ok."

"You should be here when she wakes up."

"I..."

"You can sleep in my bed."

"That is what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Among other things."

"Other things, what other things?"

"You don't have to worry about E.J."

"Because you told her off?"

"Because she's out of the picture. I mean, we still have to work with her, but... she and I... we are no longer whatever it is that we were, before."

"When did that happen?"

"This morning."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You had other things to deal with."

"What happened?"

"She stopped by this morning. We had an argument, and I told her that it was over."

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't understand."

"Understand what, exactly?"

"That Zafirah is my priority."

"She did not like that?"

"She didn't like the fact that we would be spending more time together, because of it."

"I see."

"Ziva?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think we made a mistake?"

"By sleeping together?"

"No, by never talking about it."

"I... why?"

"I think that we should have talked about it."

"Why? What did we have to talk about?"

"The fact that it kept happening, and neither of us ever brought it up, after it happened. Neither of us said we thought it was a bad idea, or that it shouldn't happen again. It just kept happening."

"It never should have happened. I think we both know that, but it's too late now. We can't go back, and change things."

"I wouldn't want to."

"You wouldn't?"

"No. Then we wouldn't have her."

"We wouldn't have such a complicated mess, either."

"It isn't so complicated."

"We have a child together. We are partners. It is complicated."

"It could be worse."

"How?"

"You could be dead."

"I know that."

"Ziva... I think that we should have that discussion."

"What discussion?"

"The one we should have had years ago."

"Why now?"

"Because now it matters."

"I don't see how."

"Please."

"Ok."

"You want me to start?"

"You're the one who likes to talk," she points out.

"I feel like I took advantage of you."

"No one takes advantage of me."

"We were both in vulnerable places, and..."

"It never would have happened, if I hadn't wanted it to happen, too."

"You wanted it to happen?"

"Yes, I guess that I did."

"So I'm not the only one?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"I don't think we'd still be together, as partners, if it hadn't happened."

"I agree."

"You do?"

"I know I would have killed you."

"I wish that we had been able to talk about it."

"Why? Why do you wish that? It was just sex. It did not change anything."

"It didn't? I think that it did. I think you trusted me more, after."

"Maybe."

"You should have told me, why it stopped."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that maybe I had done something wrong."

"It had nothing to do with you."

"Why did it stop?"

"I was pregnant."

"That was it?"

"What do you mean, that was it?"

"That was the reason?"

"That isn't reason enough?"

"I just don't understand. Why was that the reason? Of all of the ones you could have chosen, what made that the one?"

"You would not understand."

"Try me."

"I was afraid."

"Of what?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I was afraid that you would find out."

"I think it's clear that I am pretty oblivious."

"You're not. I think that you would have known. You would have taken one look at me, and you would have known."

"Why do you think that? I mean... it's not like you got pregnant, and then turned into a blimp."

"You would have known."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just am. Even if you didn't figure it out... I just..."

"You what? What were you afraid of?"

"It was like I suddenly realized that what we had done had the potential to create huge consequences."

"You were already pregnant, what other consequences were we going to have?"

"I was afraid that it might bring up feelings, that I didn't want to deal with, that I didn't want to think about. I didn't want to further complicate an already complicated situation. I was used to walking through life, being mostly unscathed by consequences of my actions. I wasn't ready to deal with all the changes that were going to happen. I wasn't ready to explain the why to you. I thought that it would be better, to never talk about it. I thought that if I buried the truth deep enough, that it would stay there."

"Haven't you learned that the truth never stays buried, for long?"

"Now, I know that."

"What feelings were you afraid of?"

"I was afraid that maybe it was more than just sex. I was afraid that, I might feel something more, and I didn't want that. I never wanted that. You're my partner. I never wanted you to be anything more than my partner. I just I wanted to stay where we were. I was afraid that if things changed between us, in any way, it wouldn't be for the better. I thought instead of talking about things, knowing they could only end badly, we could just pretend none of it ever happened."

"I couldn't. I tried, but it's impossible. I think that we have to face the facts. We have a daughter, it's time that we admit that the past, doesn't always stay there. We can't deny the past, especially when neither of us ever moved past it."


	29. I Never Told You

"It's hard, when your heart carries the burden."

"You have no idea," she replies.

"How long did you know, before you left?"

"I told you."

"You told me, but I don't think that it was the truth."

"Why not?"

_February 20th, 2009_

_He packs up his things, and heads out of the squad room. She joins him, as he waits on the elevator. They step onto the elevator, and the doors close. A moment passes in silence. He breaks the awkward silence filling the space between them._

_"Do you want to go out for a drink, with me? My treat."_

_"No," she answers quickly._

_"No? Why not? It's just one drink."_

_"No. I..." she trails off._

_"You what?"_

_"I am going to have to pass."_

_"Why? Do you have big plans?"_

_"No, I just do not want to go out."_

_"We don't have to go out. You can come by my place, and we'll have a couple of drinks, and watch a movie."_

_"No. I don't think so."_

_"To the movie, or the drinks?"_

_"To both."_

_"Why not? Have I done something to offend you?"_

_"No. I am just tired. I do not feel like doing anything tonight."_

_"You don't even want to go out for one drink? To celebrate?"_

_"No."_

_"I said that I'm buying."_

_"And I said, that I'm not drinking."_

_"Because?"_

_"I am going home," she answers, as she exits the elevator._

She looks at him, unsure of what to say. He watches her, trying to gauge her reaction. She shakes her head.

"I didn't know."

"You just didn't want to drink?"

"I didn't know, for sure."

"But you knew?"

"I suspected. I just... it was early, and I was not willing to admit that it was a possibility. I was not ready to accept the reality of the situation."

"And you waited two weeks, to take a test?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want to be."

"Not wanting something, doesn't make it go away."

"It doesn't make the gnawing feeling, that something is wrong go away, either."

"What tipped you off? That early, how did you know?"

_February 20th, 2009_

_She gets out of the shower, and quickly dries her hair. She takes the towel that is wrapped around her body, and tosses it onto the towel rack. She starts to pull on clothes. She buttons her pants, noticing that they feel different. That was ridiculous, there was nothing different about them. She pulls a shirt over her head. She unbuttons the pants, deciding to tuck the shirt in. She rebuttons the pants, and looks at herself in the mirror. She furrows her brow. That did not look flattering. She pulls the shirt up, to look at her abs, in the mirror. There was something off. She touches them. Was it just her imagination? They don't feel as hard as usual. In fact they don't look at defined as usual. She pulls her shirt down. She was being ridiculous. There was nothing different. There was nothing going on with her to cause such a physiologic change. _

_She looks at her face in the mirror, as she applies a layer of moisturizer. When did she start looking so pale? Why did she look so pale? It was winter. Duh! What was with all the questions? She finishes putting her make up on, and heads into the kitchen. _

_When she arrives at work, she is the first one there. She opens the newspaper, and begins to read. She flips to the second page. A headline grabs her attention. __**Homicide Leading Cause Of Death In Pregnant Women.**__She already knew that. So why had it sparked her interest? It was a well known fact, so why was she even considering reading the article? She usually overlooked such articles. What was different about today? What was going on with her? _

_Tony walks into the squad room. He smiles at her. _

_"Morning, Ziva," he greets._

_She looks back at him, with a panic stricken look._

_"Something wrong?"_

_"No, I just forgot to have a cup of coffee this morning."_

_He looks at his watch, "You should hurry, Gibbs will be here soon."_

_She gets up from her desk, and makes her way to the vending machine. She puts change into the slot, and presses the button. The coffee dispenses. As she smells it her stomach does back flips. She stares at the cup, suddenly no longer thirsty. She feels queasy, all of a sudden. She swallows hard, and the feeling passes. _

"So you didn't know?"

"No. I think we already established that."

"But you could have told me."

"Told you what? There was nothing to tell."

"That you thought you were."

"What good would that have done?"

"I could have been there for moral support."

"How? You would have flipped out on me. You would have been angry, and upset. You would not have been supportive."

"You don't know that."

"I do. I know you. You can't honestly tell me that if I had told you then, that you wouldn't have tried to dissuade me from having her. You didn't want a baby."

"You don't know that."

"You wouldn't have asked me, to at least consider, the other option?"

"I... no, I would never ask you that."

"But you would have wanted to."

"No, I wouldn't have."

"Really? Why is that?"

"Because it's you."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I might be a complete idiot, incapable, of properly caring for a child, but you're not. I wouldn't have liked you being pregnant, but not because it was mine. I know how much you love your job, how hard you have worked. I would never expect you to give all, or any of that up, for a baby."

"You think that I should have chosen differently?"

"I think that you should have told me, yes. I think that you should have stayed here, yes. I think that you never should have gone to Somalia, yes. I think you should have chosen not to have her, no. I don't think that."

"You don't?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Neither of us are perfect. Neither of us, are ever going to be. We both made mistakes, and bad choices, but... she wasn't one of them. I know you expect me to be like everyone else in your life, and just walk away, but I am not going to. I love her. I can't explain the instant connection I had to her. I can't explain the uncontrollable urge, to protect her, from every bad thing in the world. I can't explain any of it. I just know that's how I feel."


	30. Moments

"Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?" he inquires.

"I have learned not to believe in coincidence. Why?"

"This happened for a reason. She happened for a reason."

"And what would that be?"

"I guess that is what we have to figure out."

"And how do we do that?"

"Only time will tell."

"You're sure about that?"

"Yep."

"Mommy?"

Ziva looks to Tony, and smiles. She gets off the couch, and makes her way to the bedroom door. She tiptoes into the bedroom, and squats beside the bed. The light spills in, from the living room. She can see Zafirah's little face. She kisses her on the cheek.

"Go back to sleep," she muses.

"Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"Stay."

Ziva yawns, "I'll be in the next room."

"No."

"No?"

"Stay," Zafirah repeats.

"Stay with you?"

"Yes."

Ziva slips her out of the bed, and puts her over her shoulder. The toddler snuggles close. She puts her hand in Ziva's hair, rubbing it between her fingers. Ziva makes it to the couch.

Before she knows it she's dozed off. When she wakes up there is a blanket over her, and a pillow under her head. It's still dark out, so she closes her eyes, and goes back to sleep.

When she opens her eyes again, she finds a pair of eyes staring back at her. Zafirah sits on her chest. She smacks her cheeks. "Mommy, up," she demands.

"Stop," she groans. Zafirah stops smacking her cheeks, and crosses her arms, against her chest. She flashes a devilish grin. Ziva watches closely, as her tiny face moves forward. She plants a big, wet, slobbery, kiss on Ziva's cheek. Zafirah leans back, and giggles hysterically. Ziva wipes the slobber of her cheek.

"You think that's funny?" she questions, sitting up, sliding Zafirah onto her lap. She tips the little girl onto her back. She leans down.

"No, no..." Zafirah giggles.

"No? I can't kiss you?"

"No," she giggles.

Ziva kisses both of her cheeks, and her forehead. She tips her back up, and smiles at her.

"I Sorry," Zafirah apologizes.

"Are you done being goofy now?"

"Yes," she smiles, "Up."

"I'm up. Where is your daddy?"

She shrugs. Ziva gets off the couch, and hoists Zafirah onto her hip. She walks past the coffee table, to the edge of the living room. She pushes Tony's door open, the rest of the way. She stops when she reaches his bed. She finds him dead asleep, snoring like a wild boar. She places Zafirah on his chest.

"Go ahead, wake him up."

Zafirah sits on his chest, with her legs on either side of him. She starts bouncing up and down. "Daddy, daddy!"

His eyes fly open. He looks at the little girl, "What are you doing?"

"Daddy, up," she answers.

"Zafirah..." he tries to reason.

"Up!" she insists.

"How can I get up? You're jumping on me. I can't go anywhere." She stands up, and steps to the side of him. She jumps up, and down, on the bed, beside him. He sits up, and grabs her ankle.

"Stop, jumping," he warns.

She stops dead. She just looks at him. "Come here."

"Trouble?" she asks him.

He motions, "Come here."

She walks over to him. She stands still. "A little closer," he tells her.

She takes a step closer. He plants a kiss on her cheek. She squirms, and wipes the kiss on her shoulder.

He looks over at his partner, who is laughing.

"What's so funny?" he questions.

"Nothing," she shakes her head.

"You got the both of us up, now what?"

"Play," she smiles.

"Go play? What do you want to play?"

"Zoo," she answers.

"You want to play zoo?" Tony tries to clarify.

"No, go to zoo," she replies.

"Then you need to go get dressed," he tells her.

She steps over him, and slides off the edge of the bed. They listen as her bare feet smack against the wood floor. They watch, until she disappears out of sight. Ziva looks at him.

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

"You're spoiling her. She's going to think that she can have whatever she wants, whenever she wants it," she warns.

"Says the woman who came over at three o'clock in the morning, because she was crying."

"That's different," she argues.

"I don't see how."

"It just is."

"So if she cries she gets her way?"

"You give her, her way, without her even crying."

"It's not like it's hurting anyone."

"Can you just reel it in, a little bit? That's all I'm asking."

"What are you saying?"

"You have to be the parent. You have to tell her no sometimes."

"I don't want to be the bad cop. Can't you be the bad cop?"

"Tony..."

"How can you say no to her? Have you seen her face? I'd like to see you say no to her pouty face. It doesn't work. She gives you that look, and makes you feel terrible, and you have to give in."

"You don't have to."

"Try to tell her no."

"About what?"

"Anything. Just try to tell her no, once today."

"And then what?"

"When you can't, you can tell me that I'm right."

"That's not going to happen."

"You can't tell her no."

"She's a baby, I can tell her no. She's not in charge."

"I beg to differ."

"That's because you're her dad, and she has you wrapped around her finger."

"You act like you're a hard-ass, but you can't tell her no either."

"We will see."


	31. Waiting, On The World To Change

It ends up being too rainy, to go to the zoo. They find themselves at a close second, the National Aquarium, instead. He looks over at his partner.

"What are you thinking?"

"That we can go now," she answers.

"Why? We haven't seen everything."

Ziva points, "Because she's asleep."

He looks down at the stroller, in front of him. Zafirah is passed out. Her head leans to the side, as she sleeps.

"I guess that we can go then," he agrees.

Ten minutes later they have loaded the car, without managing to wake Zafirah up. Ziva looks in the rearview mirror, as Tony pulls out of the parking lot.

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"Do you ever think of how things would have been if you had told me?"

"All the time."

"Tell me."

"Tell you?"

"How do you see it?"

* * *

><p><em>She sits down next to him, on the plane. She looks over at him. He reads a magazine, cluelessly. She exhales, trying to find the courage to tell him.<em>

_"Can you put the magazine down, for a minute?"_

_"Now you want to talk?"_

_"Please," she asks sharply._

_"Ok," he places the magazine under his butt. "I'm all ears."_

_"We need to talk."_

_"Talk, about what? How you hate me? How you're never going to forgive me?"_

_"Those things are probably true, but it's not what I want to talk about."_

_"What do you want to talk about, then?"_

_"The future."_

_"The future? What about it?"_

_"What it looks like."_

_"Ok. What does it look like?"_

_"I do not know. I just know that there are going to be a lot of changes."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Tony, I..."_

_"You what?"_

_"I'm pregnant."_

* * *

><p>He stops at the red light, and looks over at her. He stares at her, in bewilderment.<p>

"What?"

"We actually had that conversation," he points out, "Except for the last part."

"Yeah, I know."

"On our way to Israel? You were going to tell me?"

"Yes, I almost told you. It was a long flight, and Gibbs made me sit next to you, the whole time."

"Why'd you change your mind?"

"I don't know."

"You shouldn't have changed your mind," he answers, recalling how the conversation, had really happened.

* * *

><p><em>He looks at her, waiting for her to continue. She doesn't. She stops mid-sentence, and leaves him hanging.<em>

_"You what?" he asks her._

_"I don't think that you can be part of my future," she makes the sudden realization._

_"You don't mean that."_

_"I hate you, right now."_

_"Why don't you get back to me, when you get over it? When you get over yourself?"_

* * *

><p>He accelerates through the green light. He drums his thumbs on the steering wheel.<p>

"What did you think that I was going to say, or do, if you told me?"

"I thought... I didn't think it would go smoothly. I mean you have the tendency to overreact, and Gibbs was sitting across the aisle from us."

"The man has good hearing, but... he couldn't have heard us."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"Just tell me, what did you think was going to happen, if you told me?"

* * *

><p><em>She watches him, waiting for a reaction. Finally after what seems like an eternity, he opens his mouth to speak.<em>

_"Come again?"_

_"You heard me the first time," she answers in frustration._

_"What do you mean, by that?"_

_"I am having a baby."_

_"Why are you telling me?"_

_"Because it is yours."_

_"It's what?"_

_"Yours."_

_"What is?"_

_"The baby."_

_"You're pregnant? With my baby?"_

_"Yes, that's what I just said."_

_"Take it back."_

_"Take it back? I can't take it back."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Do you think that I would tell you, if I was not sure?"_

_"Take it back."_

_"I can't take it back. It's too late."_

_"Too late? What do you mean, it's too late?"_

_"It's too late, to change the outcome, now."_

_"I see."_

_"Is that what you want?"_

_"What I want?"_

_"Do you want me to change the outcome?"_

_"You can do, whatever you want to do, but... I'm not ready for a baby."_

_"What does that mean?"_

_"I'm out."_

_"You're out?"_

_"I'm sorry, but... I am not ready for something, like that."_

* * *

><p>"I wouldn't have said that."<p>

"What would you have said?"

"Nothing. I would have been too much in shock, to say anything. I wouldn't have wanted to say something stupid, so I wouldn't have said anything."

"Are you really telling me that you would have been involved?"

"I would have taken a while to get used to the idea. I'm not that great, with change."

"I know."

"But I'm here now, aren't I?"

"You're really telling me that you would have been there? If things had been different? If I had told you, if I hadn't stayed in Israel, you would have chosen to be there, from day one?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"I would have."

"How do you know? How can you be so sure?"

"I just take one look at her face."

"What do you mean?"

"I took one look at her face, and the whole world changed. I would never have been able to not be in her life. No matter how complicated, or messy, I never would have been able, to just walk away from her."


	32. Almost

"Are you really admitting to me, that you almost told me?"

"More than once."

"More than once?"

"Yes."

"In the plane, and when?"

"At least three other times."

"Three? Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Why were you with him? If you knew that you were pregnant?"

"I don't..."

"Did he know?'

"No."

"Did you plan on raising her, with him?"

"I... no," she shakes her head.

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Maybe, because he was too much like my father. His life was his job, and...I wanted more, for her."

"Was he part of the reason you didn't tell me?"

"Yes. I knew if you knew, then you would never let me be involved with him."

"Because he wasn't a good guy."

"Because you were already jealous, enough, as it was."

"I see. Ziva?"

"Huh?"

"Why didn't we ever try to..."

"Because it would have crossed a line."

"A line, that we already crossed."

"We were, we are partners."

"So it could never work?"

"That is not what I'm saying."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't think either of us were ever willing to try. It would be too complicated, if things ended badly."

"You think that they would end badly?"

"I think that they would end."

"Why? Because you couldn't stand to be around me, that much?"

"No, it has nothing to do with you."

"What does it have to do with?"

"Me. I am not an easy person to be with, in case you haven't noticed."

"Maybe not."

"I think that it is best that we didn't try."

"Does that mean that you're not willing to try, ever?"

"Never is a long time," she admits.

"What does that mean?"

"Maybe, one day, a long time from now. Definitely not now."

"Why not?"

"The timing is terrible."

"The timing is never going to be perfect."

"We have enough to deal with, right now, without adding that into the equation."

"I..."

She cuts him off, "Let's deal with one thing, at a time."

"You're right. We need to focus all of our energy, on her. She deserves our undivided attention."

"Yes, she does."

"Ziva... I have to confess something."

"Please..."

"Just hear me out," he cuts her argument off.

"Ok," she nods.

"I'm glad that you're her mother."

"And why is that? Of all of the possible candidates?"

"Because if you weren't her mother, she would just be a normal little girl."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment? I can't tell."

"Yes, it is. Normal is fine, for some people. I just... it wouldn't be the same if she was just normal, or average. She's extraordinary, and it makes me love her even more."

"I see."

"And she's got your smile."

"Why does that matter?"

"Because I love that smile."

"You love that smile?"

"On you, it's rarely seen, but when it is, it's impossible to ignore."

"I'm glad, that she has your sense of humor."

"You mean you're glad, because she actually has one, unlike you," he answers shifting from their serious conversation.

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"I thought so."

Ziva looks at the sleeping girl, in the backseat. Her head leans against the side of the carseat. A blanket covers her lower half. Rose is tucked in the seat, beside her. Her face is perfect. Nearly perfect, void, for the pacifier in the middle of it. Ziva turns around, and looks at Tony, she shoots him a look. He keeps his eyes on the road, but feels her eyes boring through him.

"What, are you thinking?"

"Where did the pacifier come from?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you give it to her?"

"At the aquarium?"

"Yes."

"No. I didn't. I thought that you did."

"Is it even hers?"

"Yeah, she only has two. A purple one, and a white one. She must have gotten it out of her bag, when we ate lunch."

"They've got to go."

"Got to go? Why?"

"I can't stand them."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"We can work on it. I don't think it will go over well, but we can try."

"She's too big for one, anyway."

"She's a baby."

"It has to go."

"Good luck with that."


	33. Anything For One Thing

"Zi?"

"Yes?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Why do you look so serious? Is there something wrong with her?"

"No. It's not that."

"Just spit it out."

"I... I'm sorry, for everything. I've been an idiot, a lot."

"Why are you apologizing, for that?"

"You're my partner, I know everything about you."

"Everything important."

"There are just some things, that you don't want to believe."

"Like what?"

"I knew. I mean... I didn't know, exactly... but..."

"Knew? You knew what?"

"I knew that something wasn't right. I should have confronted you about it, but I didn't."

"I don't usually do well with confrontation."

"Ziva, the thought crossed my mind, that you might be pregnant."

"So?"

"More than crossed my mind."

Her tone changes, "What do you mean?"

_May 12th, 2009_

_He looks over at his partner. She sits quietly, working, at her desk. He knows that she knows he's looking at her, but she doesn't look up, to meet his glance. The thoughts begin racing through his head. What had been wrong with her lately? What was going on, between them? There was a coldness, a distance, between them, and he didn't like it. Maybe it was because he had crossed a line, but he had a reason. He was trying to protect her. Couldn't she see that? _

_Of course not. She was too angry to see anything, right now. It was understandable, but the awkwardness, between them, predated the incident with Michael. It was as if she had come unhinged. She wasn't her usual self. She was easily irritated, more than usual. She was cranky, and unwilling to discuss what it was that was bothering her. She didn't want to go out with him. She didn't want to grab a drink, or a bite to eat. When he had brought it up, she seemed appalled, but why? She seemed upset that he would even ask. Why? It had never bothered her before. She was just so moody. Moody, that wasn't a term he had ever associated with her. Other women, yes. Pregnant women, yes, definitely._

_His eyes widen. He stares at her. This time, she looks up, for a brief second. He shifts his glance, to the pile of papers, before him. He pushes them aside. He stares blankly at his keyboard. Pregnant? Ziva? No, it couldn't be. There was no way. Was there? She... no... she wasn't. He hears her chair creak. He looks up. _

_"Where are you going?"_

_"The bathroom," she answers._

_He nods, and watches her walk away. He waits a few seconds, and then follows after her. He waits outside the women's bathroom/ He just listens, knowing that she's the only one in there. He hears a noise. He exhales, and walks away, from the bathroom. He saunters back to his desk. What he had heard, did nothing to dissuade him from thinking that she was pregnant._

_He looks up at her, when she walks back into the room. She judges by the peculiar look on his face that he has something to say._

_"What?"_

_"I... nothing, never mind." He returns to his work. If she didn't want to tell him, then he would wait. He would wait, until she was ready to tell him. He was her partner, it was important, she would have to tell him. Why hadn't she already told him? Maybe she didn't know? Doubtful, if she was, she knew. Maybe she hadn't decided what to do yet. No, it was Ziva, she had no trouble making decisions. He would wait, because he was too afraid to ask. The truth was, he didn't really want to know._

She looks out the window, of the car, refusing to look at him. He doesn't take his eyes off the road.

"Say something," he begs.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was if you weren't that you would be angry. And if you were..."

"If I was?"

"I didn't really want to know. I was happy, being in denial. If you didn't tell me, in my mind, that meant that you weren't. It meant that you weren't, and that there was no possibility that you were having my baby. So then I was off the hook. It meant that I hadn't done anything wrong. When you left, I just... I tried to push it out of my mind."

"Why?"

"Because if you were, then... it meant that... I was... and I was the reason you stayed in Israel. I was the reason you almost died. I was the reason that you were captured, and tortured. I couldn't live with that. I couldn't... I thought that it was too late. I didn't think I could bring you back, but I was going to try. It wasn't for you. It was for selfish reasons. I had to prove that I could redeem myself. I needed to know, if it was my fault, that I paid for it."

"It wasn't your fault. The decisions I made, they were my own. You should be upset, but not with yourself. You should be upset with me. I went back, knowing that I was pregnant. I never ever should have done that. I put her life in jeopardy. I put her in harms way, when I didn't have to."

"Can we move on?"

"How?"

"Admit that in the past we both made mistakes. We both made choices, that should have been made differently. We chose to do things, out of fear, out of anger. We chose wrong, but we have to move past all of those wrong choices. We have to forgive ourselves, and each other, because it's the only way that we can do this. It's the only way we're going to be able to deal with each other, for our daughter."

"Ok."

"And, I think that we should talk about the things, that have been left unsaid."

"I..."

"I know you don't like talking about things. I know you hate talking about your feelings. I know that it makes you feel vulnerable, and you can't stand that. I'm not that great at it, either. I suck at it. The bottom line is, that we have to do what's best for her. If we want her to be a healthy, happy kid, then we have to fix us, so she can have some examples, of happy, healthy people."

"You want to see a therapist?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I asked first."

"I think that maybe we should make a few visits, to a therapist, together, and apart."

"Together?"

"We're not a couple. But we're partners. We have issues, that need sorting out."

"I don't like it."

"I..."

"I will do it. For her."

"You're sure?"

She nods, and looks in the rearview, at the baby, sleeping in the back seat. She smiles, "I would do anything for her."


	34. Lost

He hangs up the phone. She looks up at him, from the couch. He moves towards her. He looks at the baby, lying on her lap, asleep, on her couch.

"Time to wake her up."

"Wake her up. Why?"

"Someone is coming over, to see her."

"Who? Who knows about her? Gibbs?"

"Abby is coming."

"Why?"

"Because she wants to meet her."

"You wake her up."

"Why me?"

"She's gotten mad at me enough, for one day."

"You're the one who asked for her pacifier."

"She gave it me."

"She wasn't happy about it. That's why she didn't talk to you, for an hour."

"But whose lap is she sleeping on?"

"That doesn't mean anything."

"You want her to be daddy's little girl."

"Is there something wrong with that?""No I think that it's sweet," she admits.

"You are her mom."

"What's your point?"

"She likes you better."

"I don't think that."

"Her bond with you, was immediate. It's different."

"Maybe."

"I'm ok with that. Are you ok?"

"I am getting there. I am still getting used to the fact that she is here. That we didn't know."

"Don't go there," he insists.

"How could I not know? When have I ever just listened to what I was told, and not questioned it? Why didn't I make sure that what he said was true? If I had... if I had looked for the truth, everything would be different. We wouldn't worry about what's happened, or what may have happened, in her life, because we would know. I gave up, and... I can never forgive myself for that. I never should have given up on her."

"You were hurt. You were healing, and... you didn't know. You couldn't have known. Maybe, you were afraid, because if he lied, then the truth could be worse, than the lie. I can think of a dozen different ways, that would be worse. A dozen ways, that she wouldn't be here, with us, now."

"I want that time back. I don't want her to ever have a memory, without us in it. That... it's not fair. She's going to know, that we weren't always there for her. That we didn't always protect her, and we should have. We should have been there, and we weren't."

"What's really going on?"

"What if she woke up, in the middle of the night, because she had a bad dream, and no one was there, for her. We weren't there for her. She was alone, and... the thought of her, being alone in the world, alone and scared, that is unbearable."

"She wasn't alone. She was never alone."

"Maybe not, but it doesn't change the fact, that she needed us, and we weren't there."

"No, we can't change that, we can't take it back. We just have to be there, for all the other, important times, in her life, that she needs us. Those are the times she's going to remember."

"I hope so."

"I wouldn't take it back, you know," he tells her.

"Take what back?"

"Any of it."

She scrutinizes the look he gives her. She takes a moment to process, and her tone softens.

"None of it? With everything, that you know, you would still do it?"

"Yes."

"This is a mess," she reminds him.

"Maybe. I just know that if I changed any of it, she wouldn't be here."

"I'm still surprised, that you brought her home."

"Why?"

"I didn't expect this kind of reaction from you."

"Because I'm immature?"

"I thought that you would be scared."

"I am scared."

"But you are here."

"The bottom line is, that I always have your back. You didn't put yourself into this situation. I was there too."

"I remember."

"What are you thinking?"

"You don't want to know," she answers.

"Yes I do," he argues.

She nods, and tells him what she's thinking about.

_November 11th, 2009_

_It hit her, as she saw the mother, and her child, walking down the street, past her. It was just a baby, in a stroller, but today it was more than just that. She chokes back the emotions, and sticks to her job. When she gets back to the Navy Yard, to her desk, she notices the calendar. A reminder, of something she had lost._

_Something that she never had. Today, was supposed to be a good day. It was supposed to be special, despite everything, today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life. The day that she was really supposed to meet that new life, the one that perished, in the desert. She couldn't even bear to think of the word. It creeps up on her. Baby. Her baby, her child, was due to come into the world today. _

_She swallows hard, fighting the overwhelming feeling of emptiness, in the pit of her stomach. No one would ever know. It was something that, she never planned on sharing. It was just another thing, that needed to stay buried, in the desert. A ball of paper, whirring past her head, interrupts her train of thought. Her hand flies up, and she catches it, without thinking. She looks up, at her partner, who smiles at her, like a child. She exhales, trying to let it go. _

_But in the back of her mind, she wonders. What would their baby look like now? Would it have dimples? Brown eyes? Green? Hazel? She looks at her partner, for a moment. He looks at her, with a smile on his face. Would it have his smile?_

The knock on the door, interrupts anything he had to say. He makes his way to the door, as she gently nudges the toddler, asleep on her lap. She bends at the waist, kissing Zafirah, on the forehead.

Tony pulls the door open. Abby steps into the apartment. She was the closest thing to an aunt Zafirah would have. She would probably even refer to herself as 'aunt Abby'. No one would mind.


	35. Zoo Baby

Zafirah sits up, and crawls onto Ziva's lap. The back of her head rests against Ziva's sternum. Abby moves towards them, with a smile on her face, and a bag in her hand. She stops in front of Ziva.

"Hi."

"Hi," Zafirah yawns.

Abby pulls out what's in the bag. She hands the book to Zafirah, "I heard that you like the zoo. I thought you might like a book about the zoo."

Zafirah doesn't respond.

"I thought she talks," Abby looks at Ziva.

"She does, she just woke up, though. Give her a minute."

"Zafirah, tell Abby what your favorite animal at the zoo is."

She smiles, "Zebra," she answers, with a smile. She looks at Abby, and then to Tony. "Zebra?"

"What about the zebra?"

"No, Zebra," Zafirah points to the seat of the couch.

Tony retreats, and returns with her toy zebra.

"Zafirah, this is Abby," Ziva introduces them.

"Hi, Abby," she chirps.

"You're very cute, do you know that?"

She looks up, past Abby, "Daddy?"

"Yes, Zafirah?"

"Go to zoo?"

"No, Zafirah. We're not going to the zoo."

"Please," she begs.

"No," he puts his foot down. She puts on her pout-y face.

Abby squats on the floor, next to her, "Maybe I could read you a book about the zoo, instead."

"'kay," she nods.

Ziva slides her legs onto the floor. Abby takes a seat next to her. Zafirah crawls onto her lap. Abby opens the book. Zafirah points at the animals.

"Monkey."

Abby turns the page, she points to another animal, "What's that?"

"Elephant."

She turns to the next page, "What about that?"

"Lion."

"That's a mean looking lion."

"Abby? Zebra?"

"I think there is a zebra in this book," she thumbs through the pages, until she comes to the page. She points to the picture, "See."

"No," Zafirah shakes her head.

"No? What do you mean no? That's a Zebra, isn't it?"

"No, giraffe."

"Oh," Abby turns to the next page.

"Zebra," Zafirah announces.

"Why do you like Zebra's so much, Zafirah?"

"Z," she answers.

"What does she mean by that?" Abby looks at Tony, and Ziva in confusion.

"Z, zebra. Z, Zafirah."

"Do you know anyone else who has a name that starts with Z?" Tony questions.

Zafirah smiles, "Mommy."

"Mommy doesn't start with a Z," Tony points out.

"Ziva," Zafirah answers.

"Oh. You're right."

"Daddy?"

"Huh?"

"Go potty."

"Ok," he bends down, and picks her up. He carries her out of the room, on his hip.

Abby looks over at Ziva.

"What?" Ziva questions.

"You need to have her tested."

"For what?"

"Her I.Q.," Abby clarifies.

"Why? We know that she's smart."

"She is gifted."

"What are you saying?"

"There are special programs for kids like her."

"She is too young to be in a special program. Abby she's not even two. I am not going to put her into school. She is too young, even if she is a genius."

"It's your call."

"You don't agree with me?"

"She is your kid, not mine. It's your choice, not mine."

"I just want her to be a little girl. I want her to get to be a kid."

"I understand that."

"Good."

"Ziva?"

"Huh?"

Abby smiles, "She's cuter than I imagined."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. I just didn't know what to expect."

"You didn't use software to attempt to generate what she would look like?"

"I did, but none of it turned out like her."

"She's perfect."

"Ziva? Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Why aren't you staying home with her? Why are you working? Don't you want to take some time off?"

"I will, just not right now."

"Why not? I would think that you would want to bond with her."

"I do."

"So then why are you working right now?"

"Tony is off with her."

"And?"

"He is bonding with her."

"You don't think that the two of you can be home at the same time, with her?"

"I am afraid that we will start arguing."

"At some point she is going to see you argue."

"Not now."

"Ziva, she needs you as much as she needs him."

Ziva doesn't reply.

"You don't agree?"

"She's daddy's little girl."

"Are you jealous?"

"No."

"Then what is the problem? What are you afraid of?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I guess that I am afraid that any minute I am going to wake up, and this is all going to be a dream."

"It's not a dream. She's real."

"I know."

"Ziva?"

"Yes, Abby?"

"No matter what choices you made, this is not your fault."

"Then who should I blame? There is no one else to blame. I made the choices that took her away from me, from us. That was my fault."

"No, it wasn't all you," she reminds her.


	36. Happily Ever After?

She opens her eyes, and finds herself being stared at. Tony stands next to her bed, holding Zafirah.

"We need to have a discussion," he announces.

"Ok," she sits up in bed.

"This isn't working."

"What isn't working?"

"Having her split into two different homes. It isn't working. It's not good for her."

"What do you suggest that we do?"

"Move in together."

"I don't think that is a good idea."

"Ziva I know that you don't like the idea, but we need to do it, for her."

"Why do you want to move in together, all of a sudden?"

"Because she needs the both of us. She needs stability. She needs you."

"She is always going to need me."

"She needs to know that you are going to tuck her into bed every night, and be there when she wakes up."

"You're right."

"I'm going back in two days."

"I know."

"I think that you should take some time off, and spend with her. You have a zillion days saved up, and she needs you. I know you love your job, but I hope that you love her more."

"Of course I do, but..."

"No buts. Gibbs will understand."

"How is this supposed to work?"

"We start moving forwards, instead of dwelling on the mistakes we made in the past."

"And then what?"

"We figure out how to live together, for her sake."

"I agree that it is probably what is best for her."

"But?"

"But I still think that it's a bad idea."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand."

Tony shifts Zafirah, on his hip. He places the sheepish toddler on Ziva's lap. She snuggles up with Ziva.

"Make me understand."

"This isn't a fairytale," she reminds him.

"Your point?"

"There is no such thing as happily ever after."

"I know that. Why are you bringing it up?"

"What do you expect is going to happen, if we move in together?"

"Whatever happens."

"What do you see, for the future?"

"Us, being together as a family, even if we're not together as a couple."

Ziva furrows her brow. Tony takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"There, I said it. I brought it up. I think that we should be a couple. I know that you are against the idea, but it makes sense. We should try, for her."

"No. Not now."

"Then when? Why not?"

"If it blows up she's in the middle. I cannot live with knowing that..."

"Ziva, why do you always have to think that the worst scenario is going to be the outcome?"

"Because it usually is."

"What is the real reason that you don't want to be with me? You don't trust me?"

"I trusted you before," she reminds him.

"And I betrayed your trust."

"How do I know that isn't going to happen again?"

"Because it won't. I am not going anywhere. I am not going to let you go anywhere. I think that it is an injustice to her, if we don't try to make this work."

"We shouldn't be together, just because of her. If that is our reason then we will both end up miserable."

"That isn't my reason," he reveals.

"What is your reason, then?"

"I love you."

The room falls silent. She stares at him in utter disbelief. Tony smiles, childishly. Zafirah looks up at Ziva.

"Did you hear me?" Tony questions.

"Yes, I heard you."

"Then say something."

"Why?"

"Why do I love you?"

"Why would you say something, that isn't true?"

"It is true."

"No, it's not. You don't love me."

"I have always loved you."

"No," she shakes her head in disagreement.

"And then she came along, and I realized how much I love you. Seeing you with her makes me love you more."

"Tony, we're partners, and..."

"We've already crossed that line. Years ago, we made the decision to try and be something else. We're still partners. We're probably always going to be partners. We can't uncross the line. I love you, and I'm not going to deny it anymore. I have followed the rules, and I'm sick of it. I am entitled to have a life. I am entitled tot be happy. I can't make all of my decisions based around my job."

"Where is this coming from?"

"The heart."

"I..."

"Are you telling me that you don't love me?"

"Does it matter?"

"It matters to me."

"I, need some time to process all of this," she admits.

"Fine, I'll take her, and we'll go get some breakfast."

"It's going to take longer than that."

"If I gave you a thousand years, it would take you a thousand and one. You have until we get back."

"Is that an ultimatum?"

"Just a statement. You're not going to hurt me, by telling me the truth."

"What if I do?"

"We'll figure it out, we always do."

He takes Zafirah, and leaves the room. Ten minutes she hears the apartment door close. She gets out of bed, and wanders into the bathroom, to take a shower. After her shower she dries her hair, and gets dressed. His words float around in her head. She stares at the phone on the bedside stand. She dials a familiar number. It rings three times, before she gets an answer.

"I'm in a hurry Ziva, what do you need?"

"Advice."

"And you called me?"

"I didn't know who else to call."

"You have permission. Is that what you need to hear?"

"I need to know what to do."

"Tell the truth. That is all you can do."

"But..."

"Ziva, just tell him the truth," he hangs up.


	37. Rock Candy

Finally after a long, heartfelt conversation, he decides to let her sleep on it. She tosses, and turns most of the night. Eventually she falls to sleep. Hours later she rolls over, and finds lump in her bed. She opens her eyes, and looks at the lump, in the dark. She scoots closer to the lump. The lump rolls towards her.

"Hi, mommy," a sleepy voice responds.

"Why are you awake? It's early."

"Daddy 'sleep."

"Daddy's asleep? Mommy was asleep."

"No."

"I was asleep."

She crawls over to Ziva. She lies down on her chest. She places her ear against her heart. Ziva pets her unruly curls.

"Mommy, up?"

"No," Ziva argues.

"Please."

"Why don't you close your eyes, and go back to sleep?"

"I awake."

"It is too early for you to be awake. You will be cranky later."

"Daddy, cranky."

"Yes, sometimes daddy is cranky."

"Mommy?"

"What, Zafirah?"

"Love you."

"I love you more," Ziva answers.

"Up," Zafirah responds.

"We can't get up. We'll wake your daddy up."

"No."

"We won't?"

"No. He 'sleep."

"Maybe we should go back to sleep."

"No, no."

"What are we going to do, if we get up?"

"Go park."

"The sun isn't up yet."

"Walk to park," Zafirah pouts.

"Ok, go get dressed," Ziva gives in.

Ten minutes later they leave the apartment. Ziva grabs the stroller on her way out. When they make it to the bottom floor Ziva places Zafirah in the stroller. She buckles her in, and they start down the sidewalk, as the sun comes up.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy."

"What?" Ziva smiles.

"I stay."

"Stay where? You want to stay upstairs?"

Zafirah shakes her head, as Ziva pushes her in the stroller.

"Stay where, Zafirah?"

"You."

"You want to stay with me?"

"Uh huh."

"I have to go to work tomorrow."

"No, no go."

"No, go? I have to go."

"No," Zafirah whines.

"You want me to stay home with you?"

"Daddy go."

"You want daddy to go to work, and mommy stay home?"

"Yeah-huh."

"Did daddy tell you that he has to go back to work soon?"

"Uh huh."

"Do you think that we should get him some breakfast?"

"No, park."

"On our way back from the park."

"No, no, no," she shakes her head.

"You don't want muffins?"

"Booberry?"

"You can get a blueberry muffin, if you want."

"Maybe we should go get breakfast first, then daddy can go to the park with us. What do you think? Are you hungry?"

"I want booberry."

"Ok," Ziva nods.

When they get back to the apartment Tony is still asleep on her couch. Ziva puts the stroller into the closet, and places the muffins on the table. Zafirah looks up at her. Ziva points.

"Go wake him up."

Zafirah's lips widen into a smile. She wanders over to the couch. She smacks his cheeks.

"Daddy!" she yells "Daddy, up. Up!" she squeals.

Tony's eyes pop open. He looks at the bright-eyed toddler.

"Can I help you?" he asks.

"Up."

"I don't want to get up."

"Booberry."

"Blueberry? What are you talking about?"

"Muffins."

"Muffins? Where?"

"There," she points to the table.

"You got me some muffins?"

"No, mine," she answers.

"All of them?"

"Booberry."

"I don't want any of your stinky old blueberry muffins."

"Up! Up, now!" she insists.

He rolls off the couch. He scoops her up, and kisses her cheeks. She giggles as he kisses her.

"Daddy!"

"I'm not stopping until you give me a kiss."

She plants a kiss on his cheek. He sits her down, and they head into the kitchen. Half an hour later Zafirah is passed out on the couch, among a pile of books. Tony, and Ziva sit at the kitchen table, sipping coffee.

"Did you think about what I said?" Tony wonders.

"You know that I..."

"Have commitment issues," he finishes the sentence for her.

"Yes."

"And you want to be sure that I am serious, that I am not going to hurt you."

"Yes."

"What can I do to prove that I am serious?"

"Nothing."

"Would you like me to propose marriage?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We both know that's not going to happen, ever."

"You would never want to marry me?"

"Now you're putting words in my mouth."

Tony gets up from the table, and goes into the living room. He grabs his jacket, which is draped over the arm of the couch. He reaches into the pocket, and returns to the table.

She stares at the table, in silence. He slides the object towards her. She pushes it back.

"I don't know what that is, but I don't want it."

"I know you don't think that I'm serious, but I am."

"No, you're not."

"I am," he argues, opening the box, revealing a ring.

"When did you get that?"

"The other day."

"Why? Why all of the sudden are you pushing for this. You want us to move in together. You want us to get married? I don't understand."

"We have a child together."

"That doesn't mean that we need to be together. It doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything. Did you ever think that this all happened for a reason? Maybe this was a sign. This is the driving force that pushes us together."

"Together? Why do you keep saying that? Why do you think that we should be together? Because of Zafirah?"

"Because I love you."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because it's true."

"And you want me to say it back. I'm not ready for that, even if it were true. I don't want to rush into something that I am not ready for. I know how it will end, if we do. Things will implode. I am not willing to take that chance. We need to be amicable, at the very least, for her sake."

"Why can't you just admit it?"


	38. Words Of Wisdom

"Admit what?"

"That you love me too. You have feelings for me."

She clenches her jaw. She shakes her head, in anger. "I never wanted to have any feelings for you."

"But you did, you do."

"It was supposed to be something without any strings attached. But, it wasn't. I am not the type of person who feels that way. I do not want to feel that way. I could not afford to trust you. I could not let myself get to close."

"That is why you pushed me away? You were afraid I would hurt you?"

"I wanted to know that you would always be in my life. I knew that if I let things get out of hand, it would end badly."

"You don't know that."

"I want to do what is best for Zafirah. It is selfish to start a new relationship, right now. Even if I wanted to."

"Because?"

"It takes focus away from her. We can't afford to do that."

"Ziva, would you stop being so hard on yourself, all of the time? Stop pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I just want the truth."

"I don't want to fight with you, about this, not in front of her."

"She's asleep."

"Tony."

"Just tell me the truth, and I will leave you alone. I will stop badgering you. I swear."

"I love you. That does not mean that I want to be with you. That does not mean that I can be with you."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

She shrugs.

"Clearly, I've ticked you off. I think you should go for a run."

"Go for a run? Are you trying to get rid of me now?"

"You need to get rid of some of that anger, before you snap at me, or Zafirah."

"Fine," she throws her hands up in defeat.

As she exits the building a car pulls up to the curb. The owner gets out, and moves towards her.

"Whoa, where do you think you're going?"

"For a run," she answers through clenched teeth.

"What are you running from, Ziver?"

"I am not running from anything. I am just..."

He cuts her off, "You're running from something."

"Why does it matter?"

"You can't run from them. No matter how hard things get, you can't run from them."

"It's not them I'm running from, it's him."

"He said something stupid?" Gibbs assumes.

"As usual."

"Learn to deal with it. Running every time he makes you mad isn't going to work."

"I don't run every time he makes me mad."

Gibbs points to the three cement steps coming out of her building. She follows him over to them. He takes a seat. She stands in front of him, with her arms crossed. He points to the spot beside him.

"Take a seat," he insists.

She nods, and sits down next to him.

"What's going on with you?"

"That is a loaded question."

"Still deserves an answer."

"I am having a hard time, adjusting to all of this. Everything has changed, and I am not sure how to handle it. Tony thinks that it would be best for us to move in together. He thinks that is what is best for Zafirah. And he says all theses things, and..."

"What do you think?"

"I hate to admit it, but I think that he's right. I think that it would be best for her, if we were in the same house. It is less chaos, and she gets to see the both of us every day. I am just afraid that we can't make it work. I am afraid that if I spend every waking moment with him that I will never stop arguing with him. That isn't good for anyone."

"How is she doing?"

"She's clingy. She's needy."

"She's a baby," he points out.

"He thinks that I should take time off to be with her."

"You disagree?"

"I don't know what I'm doing. He's better at it than I am. He's a natural, which completely surprised me."

"From what I hear, you do a pretty good job with her."

"It is not the same."

"You have to do what needs to be done."

"How am I supposed to juggle all of this, and not..."

He cuts her off, "You need to ask for help. You are not in this alone."

"This is a mess. I have a baby. A toddler, who I didn't know even existed. My partner is her father. The partner that I trust to have my back. And he says things, and I just don't know how to respond because..."

"You're afraid? You are afraid that no matter how hard you try things can never work out?"

She simply nods.

"How are you going to know, if you never try?"

"I..."

"It is better to live with the regret of doing something, than living with the regret of not doing something, because at least you know that you tried."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit."

"You came to visit me? On our day off?"

"I didn't really come for you."

"Oh?"

"I thought that the two of you might benefit from a couple hours, toddler free."

"You are going to watch her?"

"Sure. I have watched kids before."

"She's a handful."

"The two of you need some adult time, don't you think?"

"What are you going to do with her, while we're gone?"

"What does she like to do?"

"Go to the zoo, or the park, or build with her blocks, and then knock them down."

"I can handle that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep," he gets up, and heads towards the entrance of the building, "Come on."


	39. Home?

She yawns, as he pulls up to the curb. She peeks in the rearview mirror, and finds their daughter asleep in the back seat. He puts the car into park. She looks at the house to her right, and then to the man to her right.

"Tony, what are we doing here? It's late."

"I know."

"She's asleep. Why are we here? You have to go back to work tomorrow, and..."

He points past her, out her window.

"What? Why are we in this neighborhood?"

"The Gibbs neighborhood?"

"Yes," she nods.

"An anonymous source recommended it to me."

"What?"

"That," he points to the house on her left.

"A house? What about it?"

"Do you see the for sale sign?"

"Yes. Is there a point to this?"

"Why are you so cranky?"

"I spent sixteen hours at work today. I think that I am entitled to be cranky."

"Could you tone it down, for a minute?"

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to discuss something."

"If it isn't related to a shower, or bed, I am not really interested."

"That house has a shower."

"I would imagine that it does. Why are you bringing it up?"

"We have an appointment with a realtor tomorrow."

"Why?"

"We are going to look at that house."

She stares at the non-descript grey house, with an attached garage. It doesn't look like much.

"Why?"

"It is for sale."

"Are we looking for a house?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Zafirah told me to."

"No, don't blame her. Why are we looking at a house?"

"If you like it, we're going to buy it."

"I never agreed to this."

"Too bad."

"Too bad?"

"We have a daughter. A daughter who needs both of us. We can't shuffle her from apartment to apartment for the next seventeen years. This makes sense. With the market the way it is, we can get it for next to nothing. Gibbs lives on the next block."

"I know."

"Please?"

"Why?"

"She deserves this, even if you don't want it."

"I will think about it."

"I'll meet you here, at seven, tomorrow."

"Ok."

"What do you have planned for the day, tomorrow?" he questions.

"Sleep in," she replies.

"And then?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Have fun."

"Is that a threat?" she inquires.

"Don't think about work. Just have fun, with her."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Tony, why are you pushing this?"

He looks at the sleeping angel, in the backseat. Then he looks at her mother.

"Because I want to give her the things that I never had. A nice house, in a quiet neighborhood. A two car garage, and a fence. A stable home. Loving parents, who are willing to give her anything. I may not be perfect. I never will be, but I want to give her everything that I can."

"Who are you, and what have you done with my partner?"

"I left him somewhere in the middle east."

"Oh?"

"There was a little girl, who melted his heart, and turned him into a parent."

"Do you feel strange?" she wonders.

"What do you mean?"

"You are someone's father."

"You are someone's mother," he counters.

"And every morning I wake up, and think that I am dreaming."

"I don't. I wake up everyday, thankful, that the man upstairs knows better than I do. I never would have thought this is what I wanted. The thought of playing blocks, and filling sippy cups used to make me cringe. Now..."

"Everything is different."

"How can someone so small, change so much?"

"The ties that bind?" she guesses.

"So can we buy this house?"

"We can sleep on it."

"Fair enough," he nods.

She climbs into bed, after her shower. Her wet hair hits the pillow. She climbs under the covers. For some reason her bed feels strangely empty. She looks at the clock. She turns on the fan. She closes her eyes, in an attempt to fall asleep. When sleep doesn't come she peels off her covers. She slides out of the bed, onto the floor, in her bare feet. She tiptoes into the other room. She stands at the end of the couch, and watches Tony as he sleeps. Zafirah sleeps on his chest. Her ear is pressed against his heart. A pink blanket covers her, and part of him. She smiles, and carefully maneuvers around the couch. She reaches for the sleeping toddler. A hand grabs her wrist.

"Wake her up, and you put her back to sleep," he warns.

"She'll be more comfortable in my bed."

"She likes to snuggle," he reminds her.

"I can snuggle."

"Where is your gun?"

"In the safe."

"We're a package deal. If she goes, I go."

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes.

"Did you just invite me into your bed?"

"It's easier to give in, than it is to fight with you. I'm too tired to argue."

"We're coming."

She turns, and goes back into her room. He follows her, with a sleeping baby in his arms. He climbs into bed, on the opposite side of Ziva. He places Zafirah in between them.

"Don't roll over on her," he warns, "You'll smash her."

"I won't roll over on her. I know that she's there."

"I don't want my kid to be a pancake."

"Go to sleep, before you wake her up," she warns.

He settles into the bed. She pulls the covers up, around her. She rolls over, to face Zafirah. She watches the little girl, as she sleeps. Within a few minutes all of them are asleep. The three of them make up a chorus of snores, that cannot easily be rivaled, even by a group of sailors, with emphysema.


End file.
